This week we revisit Capcom's undisputable NES classic Ducktales (woo hoo!), as well as 2013's remaster done by Wayforward. Steller music, tight controls, incredibly difficult gameplay; Ducktales is one of the best on the console. Wholesome family fun you'd expect from Disney; just like that one windmill short with the crushing gears, The Black Cauldron, chest bursting aliens, Freddy Kruger ... we may have gone off on a tangent this episode.

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Special thanks to The Last Ancient on SoundCloud for our podcast theme.

Cyberpunk 2077, Last of Us, Jedi Survivor, Redfall; why is PC gaming a flaming dumpster fire in 2023? Why does 1080p 60fps gaming feel like unobtainable goal? While many declare PC gaming king of platforms over consoles, lately the Playstation and Xbox are looking more attractive. This week Press B gives it's thoughts on the state of PC gaming and it's woes.

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Get ready for a demon slaying adventure with Gal Guardians: Demon Purge, formerly known as Grim Guardians. Developed by the renowned studio Inti Creates, the creators behind hit titles such as Bloodstained and Blaster Master Zero, this action-packed platformer promises a thrilling experience with its multi-stage levels, challenging bosses, and a gameplay style that takes inspiration from the classic Castlevania games.

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Are you a die-hard Mario fan who's been eagerly waiting for the release of Illumination's new Super Mario Bros. movie? Well, buckle up because in this week's episode we're diving deep into the world of Mario movies!

We journey through time, exploring the similarities and differences between the newly released Super Mario Bros. movie by Illumination and the original 1993 movie cheese fest.

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In this episode of Press B, we dive into the latest DLC for the critically acclaimed indie game, Dead Cells, which pays homage to the classic Castlevania series. We discuss the new weapons, enemies, and levels that come with the DLC, as well as the overall experience of playing in this legendary franchise crossover.

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Here's the story of a man named Arthur, who was father to... wait, this is something else. This is the story of a world that is becoming tougher on crime, but easy on the eyes! Grab your chaps, and your gun belt, it's time to talk about Red Dead Redemption 2

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Join us for the thrilling conclusion to Press B's March Radness 2023! Throughout this past month, we've been celebrating salt and tears with a bracket-style tournament each week. And now, in our final episode, we're bringing you the ultimate showdown: Best Console.

Get ready for a mic-drop moment as we pit some of the most iconic, groundbreaking, and legendary retro consoles against each other to determine the ultimate winner. It's a battle of the titans, tune in now to find out which console will come out on top! Press B To Cancel now on Youtube! For updates and more episodes please visit our website www.pressbtocancel.com, or find us on Twitter @pressbtocancel and Instagram @pressbtocancel.

Special thanks to The Last Ancient on SoundCloud for our podcast theme.

It's time for Press B's March Radness! A month long celebration of salt and tears as each week in March we do bracket tournment style episodes.

In this milestone episode, the Press B team takes on a tournament to determine the worst ice levels in video games. From slippery slopes to frustrating puzzles, they'll be discussing the most infuriating levels across various genres and consoles. Who will come out on top as the ultimate loser? Join the conversation and let us know your picks in the comments below!

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It's time for Press B's March Radness! A month long celebration of salt and tears as each week in March we do bracket tournment style episodes.

On this week's episode of Press B, join our hosts as they dive into the world of video game villains and battle it out to crown the ultimate bad guy! We've assembled (scientifically and randomized) brackets of 12 of the most iconic and memorable video game villains, from Bowser to Sephiroth to GLaDOS. Listen in as they debate and discuss each villain's strengths, weaknesses, and overall impact on their respective game's story and gameplay. Who will come out on top and be crowned the ultimate video game villain? Tune in to find out!

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Transcript: Chard (A): If he dies, he dies. Greatest video game vitillins today on.

Wulff (B): Um.

Chard (A): Welcome, everybody, back to another actual, live bless you episode of Presbyter cancel tonight. I am the blessed host of this evening's episode. But I'm not alone. As Jake say. No, I'm not alone. I'm with four of the greatest villains I know running amongst us here. Jake, how are you, sir?

Jake (C): I'm doing good. Thanks for being having me back.

Chard (A): Thanks for being having back. Thanks for being having back, too. You hit me. I'm just werewolf.

Jake (C): I'm distracted setting shit up and oh, crap.

Chard (A): How are you set up if we're running?

Jake (C): I always set stuff up.

Sins (D): The intro.

Chard (A): No, even every mad scientist has an evil contraption werewolf. How are you, sir? No.

Wulff (B): Is the audio long?

Sins (D): There we go.

Chard (A): There it is.

Wulff (B): Okay, so I unmuted after the sneeze. Cool.

Chard (A): It works.

Wulff (B): Just muted after the sneeze. Great.

Chard (A): Your reverse machines work great.

Wulff (B): I apologize for that sneeze.

Sins (D): Hey, I caught a light sneeze.

Chard (A): Of the evening. I guess I also made my own pretty hate machine. Citistar, how are you?

Sins (D): I am Valaneous tonight.

Chard (A): There's a pill for that GP. How are you? No whimsical, friend.

GP (E): Speaking of Charlie, speaking of whatever those erection pills were that you sent me, they are nuts if we can keep this episode under 2 hours, because at the end of about an hour and a half from now, I will need to go to the Er. Two and a half hours ago, my.

Chard (A): Wife accidentally washed those pills, and now I cannot get my pants to fold. Guys, just as bad as that joke are these people that are on our list today. You like that, Segue?

Jake (C): That's pretty damn smooth.

GP (E): We go hard.

Chard (A): We do in the paint, as a matter of fact. Sports reference. Sports ball.

Sins (D): Sports ball.

Chard (A): Guys, it is march. Radness. We continue fourth on our continuation of brackets bracketeering the brack on tears. Isn't that a Jack White band? No, we're talking music, and we're definitely talking music and sports today. And unfortunately, these guys have come along. We're going to break these guys down. We have several selected villains that we are going to do in our own scientifically, whimsical, Canadian lies way of discussing who tyrannically. Sorry, tyrannically is what I meant to say.

Jake (C): I have whimsical back. I'd rather be whimsical. But, you know, out of our no.

Chard (A): There'S no Whimsical out of our list of these people. Now, we know there's other villains out there. We dug very deep on the surface of these to try and figure out which one of these villains would be good. Some you'll know, some we won't know. It'll happen, trust me. And some you will probably rant rave that these were poor choices, but guess what? We're the host, so we pick what we want, because that's how things work around here.

Sins (D): If it's not on our list, call out in the comments or come yell at us in discord there you go.

Chard (A): Yeah, that 100% of us have full time jobs. It's very difficult to find a list when you're having people yelling at you all day. Well, okay. Sorry. 90% of us. Wow.

Sins (D): Jeff throwing down early.

Chard (A): Time job.

Wulff (B): You take care of it.

Chard (A): That's not easy. That beautiful background behind you. That's beautiful. That's hard work.

Wulff (B): I don't get to see it as.

Sins (D): Much as I used to in Chat. Jeff's throwing down early.

GP (E): Let's ease up on the spoilers.

Chard (A): What do you think?

Jake (C): Kafka may not even be there.

Sins (D): Kefa didn't make our list.

Jake (C): Yeah, he's a small time you guys.

Chard (A): Are using the Kafka didn't make our list. Chard Monk didn't make the stream.

Wulff (B): All right.

Chard (A): It's kind of a one, and it's like, if there's one thing that comes with me everywhere, that's not my wife, it's Kefca. Let's just be honest, all right? I do. I'm trying to get a Kefca tattoo, as a matter of fact. That's not a joke. That's true. Let's go ahead and fire things off. We're going to start with our first two villain matchup back to back here. Our first selection is Joker Mark Hamill.

Sins (D): Mark, joker.

GP (E): Need to specify that.

Chard (A): And Bowser from Mario from the Mario Brothers series.

Jake (C): The Marios. Yeah.

Sins (D): We're specifically talking video game versions of these villains. So Joker, Mark Hamill, I know that there's similarities, but it is the video game arkham series and not the cartoon series, where he's the Joker.

Jake (C): Right. He's great in both, but specifically the video game in this case. Yes.

GP (E): Also, when we're talking about let's read.

Chard (A): Everything'S about video games here. Right.

GP (E): But also, is the metric or the rubric that we are saying for best villain, meaning, like, most iconic, most likable, most successful. What's the metric here?

Jake (C): I think we have to be well rounded with this. Right. We have to look at their impact in the game, their successes, their character. I think it's a well rounded we should look at all angles when we're talking about these villains.

GP (E): Yeah, agreed.

Wulff (B): Yeah.

Chard (A): We got to think about some longevity issues that are in here too, because Bowser has been an iconic villain for a long time, while the Joker has been an iconic villain, but not in video game tropes for as long as Bowser.

Jake (C): Okay.

Sins (D): And if we do look at backstory, then Joker actually comes all the way in from whatever 1930s or 40s or whatever it was, right? If we're talking backstory.

Chard (A): Right. Not joaquin. Phoenix's. Joker, by the way.

Sins (D): No.

Chard (A): Still a great movie.

Jake (C): No.

GP (E): I could do an entire podcast episode on why that movie upset me.

Chard (A): All right, who wants to go round robin on this first? I'll go. I'll tell you what, I'm going to just announce this right now. I know Sinister said he would go last, but I'll tell you what, as the host, I will be the tiebreaker of going last. I will make that decision.

Sins (D): This is how Kefco wins call me a tyrant. This is how Kefko wins.

Chard (A): I'm trying to ease everybody's mind on here. Although I do like it when GP says, all right, Char, well, you and I, our opinions don't matter. So what do you pick?

GP (E): I'm going to go and call it Chard. You and I, our opinions don't matter.

Chard (A): So who wants to go first in this round?

Jake (C): I'll go for this one. Yeah. The randomized brackets are really cruel here because this is a tough matchup. I mean, Bowser is one of the longest standing video game villains. It was randomized. We discussed this off this, off the stream. It's randomized, scientifically, accurately, through the AI. Anyway, bowser has been a longtime villain, but Mark Hamill, forget the animated series, forget everything else in his career. Just the arkham joker, like Arkham city and Arkham Asylum. He is so good. His voice acting is just iconic as this villain. He's chilling. He's just scary. He's such a great villain and such a great performance in the Arkan games. I mean, Bowser is great and all, and he's a big part of the Mario franchise. But I mean, come on. Joker, I think, is the villain. I think he's like, such an iconic villain. I like Bowser, but I think especially the more recent Mario games where they had the opportunity for things like me voice acting or a story, they don't really do that right. Like, even in Mario Odyssey, the story was Bowser's kidnapping Peach to get married. It makes no sense, and it's barely even a damn plot. So even though he's like, iconic looking, he's not really impactful in the storylines to Mario. Not that there is one to begin with. I mean, he's memorable, I guess, because of nostalgia. But I think Mark Campbell's performance as the joker in Arkham is so damn good.

Sins (D): All right, I want to go next. That's why I was holding up my finger there.

Chard (A): Because I was getting my bingo card out?

Sins (D): No, because I was going to make the argument, you already did this, but I guess I'm going to probably drive it home a little bit. Bowser, while being a long term video game villain, he hasn't actively tried to murder at mass levels. His whole goal is to marry Peach and rule the mushroom kingdom. Right? And then here's the Joker who has literally tried to kill everyone through infection or some other whatever, and he does it with almost a lack of reasoning or care. We've done this trope before, but some people just want to watch, so well. Ben right.

GP (E): Specifically, your Mark Hamill impression is horrible.

Sins (D): It is.

Chard (A): I thought that was Bowser.

GP (E): I should have said that.

Jake (C): Jack black.

Sins (D): But one thing I want to point out, and this happened, I think this was in Arkham Asylum. The first of kind of the video games that we're talking about at the end, he actually has destroyed the cure and he is infected and he knows that Batman is going to save him. And so he goes into this just balls to the wall. Because he knows that no matter how bad of a villain he is, his hero is going to save him because he knows Batman is that good. And so he is just that bad that he is like I will destroy my chances of even surviving this because I know that the hero is going to save me. So I also vote joker.

GP (E): Interesting. I hear what you're saying, Sinistar, and also I hear what you're saying, daddy, but I think that it's tough. I think the more iconic villain here in terms of video games is going to have to be Bowser. Which villain do I find more ultimately captivating? Interesting? Would I rather party with all those things going to go to the Joker? But if we're just talking across the spectrum of pop culture, I don't know, it's tough. If the Joker did not exist in movies, TV shows, or anything other than the Arkham series, I don't think he would be as prolific as Bowser, who is primarily in the video games. Yes, he's been in some movies, dennis Hopper, but that's not what he's known for.

Sins (D): We don't talk about Super Mario Brothers.

Jake (C): Yeah.

Chard (A): John Lang Guizamo was excellent as an Italian plumber.

GP (E): Okay, first off, John Lang Guizamo is great in about anything. I'll watch him read the dictionary. Johnny Legs, if you're watching, I love you. Hope I can call you Johnny Legs. The other part of that, though no, again, I think if the Joker didn't exist outside of video games, he would be a cool villain, but I don't know that he would be as prolific as Bowser. So I think I got to vote Bowser, even though, in fact, right now, I'm wearing my Batman pajama pants. You guys know I'm a big Batman fan. I got to give it to Bowser. I'll lock it up.

Wulff (B): All right.

Chard (A): That was an incredible twist of events I did not expect.

Wulff (B): Let's look at the lengths that Bowser will go to accomplish his goals.

Chard (A): He is willing oh, you're going to read the book.

Wulff (B): No, he's going to read the he.

GP (E): Is the biggest employer of the Mushroom Kingdom, I wager that.

Wulff (B): But he's willing to go to the moon to accomplish his goals. He is willing to. What was the other one? He'll work with Mario if he absolutely has to.

GP (E): Mario RPG. I like that.

Wulff (B): Which he's done. He can set aside his personal differences to achieve his goals. And when a villain really wants to accomplish what they want to accomplish, they have to learn to be able to move forward with the circumstances they're given. And Bowser always does that. Bowser also lied to his child about who his mom was. Who the fuck does that? That's dark.

Jake (C): That's how bad a villain he is. He lies to his children. He's a bad daddy. That's what.

Chard (A): His nephews we have the daddy of daddy.

Sins (D): I want you to remember somebody who knows something. I want you to remember this argument for later. Because me? Yeah, because there is a villain that we are going to bring up daughter issues.

GP (E): No, I don't want to know. I have done my way to ignore the list that you all do some research.

Chard (A): I know what you're going to talk about.

Jake (C): Okay, real quick. Bowser versus Mario. Can't we all agree that Mario is killed more than Bowser? So isn't Mario a better villain than Bowser anyway? So that automatically disqualifies.

GP (E): That goes back to what I was saying though. I mean, Bowser is the largest employer of the Mushroom Kingdom. You have the Princess Kingdom who rules over all these individuals. And then you have the Plumber who comes in and kills them all trying.

Jake (C): He's a bad employer. He's a bad boss, but doesn't make him a bad guy.

GP (E): Look, yes, we all know horrible employers, but in the end of the day, is he not putting food on tables? I don't know.

Chard (A): It sounds like the premise for horrible boss is three.

Wulff (B): Yeah. How many things does Bowser kill? We never see him kill anything unless he kills Mario. Right. Have you watched Mario brother throwing yoshis into lava pits and off of cliffs?

Sins (D): Yeah, never mind. Never mind punching yoshi in the back of the head to make him eat things.

Chard (A): Yeah, right.

Wulff (B): Friends. He's throwing off of cliffs and into lava pits.

GP (E): For what it's worth, count for a lot. It's mutually.

Wulff (B): Mario is the villain.

Jake (C): I think so. Browser's biggest crime is just not having his fortresses up to safety.

GP (E): That's not true. There's the kidnapping and presumed attempted rape, which you can't sweep that under the rug.

Chard (A): That's true.

Sins (D): Trigger warning.

GP (E): Sorry folks, nobody's a piece of shit. But I think if the issue is iconic have we voted? Did everybody go?

Wulff (B): I said bowser. To me. Bowser. No line is too much to cross for him.

Jake (C): Okay.

GP (E): Yeah.

Jake (C): So it's two to two, I guess, right?

Chard (A): Yeah, the tiebreaker is wow.

Jake (C): There you go. Your opinion does matter.

Chard (A): It does matter. It never matters that far. Okay, well, on that note, listen. You guys say that Bowser hasn't killed a whole lot of people. I've watched Cindy Star play Mario Brothers. That's not true. He's killed a lot of people.

GP (E): You're thinking of gravity. You're thinking of gravity and spatial awareness.

Chard (A): He did design spatial awareness. That's true. The big villain here is actually gravity and spatial awareness. That's true.

Sins (D): In a trick twist, the first bracket goes to gravity and spatial awareness.

Chard (A): Aka Bowser. Listen, bowser turned the Mushroom Kingdom people into bricks and Mario did kill them. That's where I thought you were going with that wolf. I got to lean on this whole thing with me and the Joker. The Joker and Mark Hamill. Fantastic. Let's think of it this way. I'm going to do how my discussion on the phone went today. Listen. Mark Hamill. Incredible actor. Wonderful job. Top tier, couldn't have done any better. Top notch. However, not going to cut it in this bracket. I got to go with Bowser on this one. And purely because, like GP said, if it wasn't for the Joker being iconic and other things and in comic books before he was put into video games, he's everywhere. It's not really a video game character. He's everywhere. Bowser is a video game character. He was created for gaming and gaming likeness and then has spawned into Dennis Hopper playing King Cooper and the whole nine yards. I'm just saying that if we're going to the roots of video game villains, got to go with Bowser. And it may be the nostalgia again talking. Don't know, don't care. I'll go with bowser. So I've noticed that the bowser fight.

GP (E): In Super Mario World. Sorry for the Super Nintendo. After you jump on him and he's in his little thing, he pops out and she's waving. She's like hell. Not to show my sensibilities here, but that was terrifying to me as a kid. She's obviously not wanting to be there. Don't do that.

Sins (D): Yeah.

Chard (A): Horrible, right?

Sins (D): And Bowser, don't stand on her when you're flying your little weird propeller chair.

GP (E): That's a TARDIS. There's more room down there than what you think.

Jake (C): Yeah, figure it on the inside than isn't.

Sins (D): I don't want to hear about Bowsers down there. It's fine.

Chard (A): I was going to say it's an undetectable extension charm.

GP (E): I love that. All right. Bowser.

Jake (C): Bowser.

Chard (A): Okay, so round two. So round one goes to Bowser of the Mario franchise. That's fantastic. I'm excited about this one. I'm really excited about this next matchup. We had discussed this amongst our MPs together as a team and we were kind of very him and ha. But Jake actually had a very solid point about this. Could have some really good discussion going into it. So without further ado, I had a good point.

Sins (D): No, it's getting delayed.

Chard (A): As I am told quite often when I say see, I say things that are smart, I usually get retorted with, well, a broken clock is right twice a day, too. So I'm going to hit you with that one. 1%. One in a row, Jake. One in a row.

Sins (D): Except for you're running in military time. And it's once a day, sir.

GP (E): My anxiety can't handle this. What's the bracket? Is it like two minutes?

Jake (C): Come on.

Chard (A): Don't a, I'm going to pronounce this the way I feel it needs to pronounce. Do not at me. This is Magis from Chrono trigger fame.

Wulff (B): What?

Chard (A): And Handsome Jack versus Mages and Handsome Jack.

Sins (D): All right. Can I go first?

Jake (C): Only you called megas.

GP (E): Maybe.

Chard (A): Not called magic. Called magic. Thank you.

Sins (D): Look, we're going to have a GIF versus GIF argument here. It's fine. Like my juffed, I'm going to start with Magis. So my experience with Magus Magus, Magus, magus is so far I have only had him as the villain, and I ran him off. I haven't seen some sort of redemption story, but I've heard tell of redemption story.

Chard (A): Should we have Citizen mute his headphones for this discussion after he's done making.

Sins (D): No, well, it's fine.

Jake (C): He's already past the point of the spoilers for that anyway, right? Like you did the NC Palace. I saw you stream it.

Chard (A): Yeah, no, he did not go to the end of the he's in the area, like right before one of the boss fights.

Sins (D): It's fine. It's okay. That game is 30 years old. However years old it is.

Jake (C): Yeah, there is a redemption in that. He's not the big bad, right? In crone trigger. It's Lavos. That's the big bad.

Sins (D): And that's kind of where I'm going, is even knowing that he's a redemption story. He did start the whole Lavos mess, right? Well, didn't he kind of kick it off? I mean, it's fine anyway, but with the redemption story, he feels a little soft. He feels a little soft as far as a villain goes. Now, Handsome Jack handsome Jack literally places a floating space station in orbit that can nuke basically whatever he wants. And when his daughter, who has the Siren abilities, accidentally kills her mother through a fight with another person, he decides that he's going to imprison her to power his station. So if you want to talk a daughter arc, if you want to talk a father daughter arc, here's a guy that's like, well, sure, you accidentally killed your mother, but you know what? You're now my power source and enslaves her and then proceeds to basically destroy any vault hunter that decides to show up on Pandora. He purposefully murders, unless they have the chance to open the vault for him specifically.

GP (E): But he was honest about who the mother was, and I think that counts. I agree. Handsome Jack for the win on this one.

Sins (D): Yeah, I'm going Handsome Jack over. Magus. Magus. Magus.

GP (E): Have you guys heard of Dragon Ball Z?

Chard (A): Yeah.

GP (E): Who is the greatest villain from Dragon Ball Z? Here's a hint. Not Vegeta.

Chard (A): That's true.

GP (E): Okay, well, I'll close it there, but no law applies. And between these two I got to go. Handsome Jack. Though I do very much enjoy Maggis.

Sins (D): That's two for Handsome Jack, then.

GP (E): His Majesty. No, too much. Sorry.

Chard (A): Booker T. Booker. Majesty. Booker.

Sins (D): Yeah.

Chard (A): Wrestler do you want to go or.

Wulff (B): You want I have a quick question. Is Handsome Jack's daughter, serif or Seraphim, whatever her name was. Whoever.

Sins (D): No, he enslaves her later when his I think his daughter ends up dying and he ends up putting the other Siren in her place.

Wulff (B): I didn't finish. I only got like maybe halfway through or something.

Sins (D): Yeah. Angel. Thank you.

Wulff (B): Angel. Yeah. Thank you, jeff but McGuff, he was an asshole.

Chard (A): I love it.

Wulff (B): But his intentions were in the right place. He was trying to do something for the greater good. He wasn't trying to be a villain. And his end goal was to save the world, not destroy it. Right? That's not much of a villain. He's Chronos nemesis for a time, but he's not the villain of the game. Handsome Jack is a villain. I got to say that's coming from I knew about his redemption chance the first time I played Chrono trigger, and I still said, Fuck that, Maggus. You're going down.

GP (E): He's not your gus. He's Mcguss.

Wulff (B): Yeah, he's Mcguss.

Jake (C): As a youth, he was Janus. As an adult. He's megas janus.

Wulff (B): Janice.

GP (E): Which would you rather be called? Anus.

Chard (A): Look, we don't get to pick her.

Jake (C): Names that her parents bestowed on us. And he was named J Anus. And that's just the way it is, my kids.

Wulff (B): Question. How do you pronounce his sister's name?

Chard (A): Shala.

Wulff (B): I'm sorry, I derailed the conversation there.

Sins (D): Quick aside, quick aside. I do have to give Handsome Jack. He did create. Or he bought, actually. But without Handsome Jack, we wouldn't have butt stallion but.

Chard (A): The iconic.

Wulff (B): But my vote is Handsome Jack on this one.

GP (E): Yeah.

Jake (C): Okay.

Chard (A): Well, Jake, looks like you're, in my opinion, don't matter. So what do you got, bud?

Jake (C): I tell you. Here's the thing. Okay, fine. So you want to argue that Handsome Jack is maybe the more sinister, the more evil villain. That's fine. Villain does not necessarily always mean evil. Sometimes it could just be a jerk and that could be a villain, right?

GP (E): Are you talking about Kirby?

Jake (C): No. Kirby has many villains. Can you do those? Misunderstood.

Chard (A): Anyway, is this a veiled attack?

Jake (C): No. So maggus. Magus magus magus magus maggas. His aura, okay? His look, his garb, the cape, the rubber gloves, the dark slick back hair, the paley pasty white skin, the red eyes. The theme music in the boss battle with Megas is fucking iconic and is one of my favorite boss encounters. And you don't do boss encounters against friends. He's the bad guy. Is he the world's most evil villain? No, but he's a pretty awesome bad guy.

GP (E): Conversation is, though.

Jake (C): Handsome Jack is just evil.

Chard (A): Sure, but he's just rich.

Jake (C): He doesn't look cool. He's got a cool horse, he spends his money.

Sins (D): He's handsome. Is he?

GP (E): We will have other episodes where we discuss handsome doable dude in video games. Is that is not this one.

Chard (A): Wow.

Jake (C): Ride his crystal horse all he wants. He's not the best bad guy in this match.

Sins (D): He purposefully diamond horse. It's a horse made of diamonds. Literally of diamonds. But he is so handsome that he put his face on a whole bunch of doppelgangers on purpose.

Jake (C): Look, is Batman the best hero because he's rich? No.

Chard (A): He's arguably not a very good hero to begin with, but let's not get into that debate.

Sins (D): Jeff. Jeff is correct.

Wulff (B): In Chat, this isn't about heroes. This is about village.

Sins (D): Jeff is correct. In Chat, Handsome Jack succeeded.

GP (E): Now, is it not Handsome Jack.

Jake (C): It's Handsome handsome also, am I not wrong?

Chard (A): Who cursed?

Jake (C): Wasn't it not Magus who cursed, Frog? It was maggus, right?

GP (E): Glenn?

Chard (A): Magis.

GP (E): Not to dachshund, but Glenn, yes.

Jake (C): Who cursed? Glenn.

Chard (A): Glenn of 600 Ad. Sorry, dude, my bad.

GP (E): Wow. Everybody's going to go hunting for Glenn now.

Sins (D): It was Maegus.

Wulff (B): To be fair, Cyrus had no business dragging Glenn around with him to fight McGuff.

Chard (A): They were buggy. I go everywhere. Dennis Star, he doesn't drag me around. I just fucking chill up.

Wulff (B): How many squires? How many squires? Just Glenn. He's the only one taken advantage of by heroes in that game.

Chard (A): Cyrus is so good, he doesn't need multiple squires. He only needs g. Lynn all right, so we're going to go with Mages on that one, Jake? Is that what you're saying?

Jake (C): Yeah. I'm saying magus mages cool.

GP (E): Please agree. How to pronounce jump. J Is it Forest Jump are we having.

Chard (A): I don't know a lot about Borderlands, I know a lot about Chrono Trigger, and I'm going to go ahead and chime in on this one. Magus is not a villain. He is a man of circumstance and time. Literally of time. He's a man that is trying to get revenge. Sinister plug ears earmuffs sinister ear muffs. Thank you. He's a man that's trying to get revenge on what his mother did to him and his family and how and his sister and all the shit that went down with there. The man was just trying to get back at him and unfortunately, people were getting in his way to get it done. Yes, it is the Vegeta complex, we will call it that. It is vegeta. It's literally vegeta.

Wulff (B): Literally trying to what his family broke.

Chard (A): With the risk of how this sounds, it's Vegas. It's what it is. It's what it's going to be. We're going with it. I don't care. Don't die on me, Jake.

Jake (C): Really?

Chard (A): Vegas? Yes. Handsome Jack, you could put your there you go. Handsome Jack is so fucking twisted that in his brain, he thinks he's the hero.

GP (E): Well, that's the hallmark of a good villain.

Chard (A): Yeah, he thinks he's doing the right thing, but it's so fucking twisted and fucked up, he doesn't care. He still thinks he's right. He still thinks he's getting roll up. I did research today. I've barely played any Borderlands, so I have plenty of people here to tell me if I'm wrong or not.

GP (E): You knew he was from Borderlands.

Chard (A): Like we are killing off all the Volt hunters because he thinks he's doing it right and he's doing world dominance. Thinks he's the hero. He thinks he's saving his daughter by turning her into the power source for his doomsday device. So as much as I love Mages, or Ages, or Mcgaggas, or Janus Forest Guillumpus, I'm going with Handsome Jack.

Sins (D): It's Forrest.

Chard (A): I did not stutter. So, I think Handsome Jack is going to be the true villain out of these two. I think that Mages is a really good story and could be a really like on its own debate on on his experience. His depiction is direction, but for actual villainry, I got to go with Handsome Jack on that one.

Jake (C): Look, Handsome Jack doesn't have a theme song. Just saying. He does not have a clip.

Chard (A): Mages theme song is easily I had it recreated for my stream. That's how good it is.

Sins (D): I love that Handsome Jack gets not one, but two games, right? Two entire games of him as the villain.

Chard (A): If Chronocross wasn't garbage, then maybe Mages could have had two games too. But unfortunately they decided to shit all over that one. But listen, in terms of cool factor, if we're talking cool factor and badass fights and great lead ins and music and shit, majors wins nine times out of ten and twice on Sundays. He's incredible. But in the villainry department, without spoiling it for Sinistar, heads of Jack wins. You're good.

GP (E): What constitutes as a theme song for a villain? The reason I ask there is a song my dad used to hum when I was a kid and he would not important.

Chard (A): Let's move on. Was it an original piece?

Jake (C): Wow.

GP (E): I don't know.

Chard (A): Made it up as he went. That it's his this was fucking dark. You want to go dark? I'll dive right into that black pit with you. Right.

Sins (D): Sorry, YouTube.

Chard (A): Everybody said he was going to be agreeable.

Sins (D): Yeah, he's agreeably. Tainting all of every story with his.

GP (E): Dad always up on the backstory on the lore. The GP.

Chard (A): Lore. Doesn't the GP lore.

GP (E): Yeah.

Chard (A): All right, guys, let's move on to the next one. So I just recently got to know one of our villains in this particular bracket, and I'm pretty excited about it because she's fucking funny as shit. She kills me, literally. Tries to at least a couple of times. And then this other one is we went with the human form, the later form of this in particular. So we're going to go with Gladys from Portal and Ganondorf Ganondorf, the dorf in the later versions. Ganondorf Dorphy. Good old the zelda. This is a good bracket montage.

GP (E): It also sucks because gentlemen, these are great bad guys. Start your bad AIS.

Sins (D): Who's starting this one?

GP (E): I don't want to.

Wulff (B): I will start. So we've got the humanoid gannon. Ganondorf. Or we've got genetic life form and disc operating system.

Chard (A): But she's so funny.

Sins (D): Have you played number two? Yeah, I've been playing no, jimmy, have.

Wulff (B): You played the show? Yeah.

Sins (D): Okay.

Wulff (B): Portal two.

Chard (A): This would be the time where I pull out my steam deck and say, yes, I've been playing on my steam deck, but it's in the living room because I was playing it on my steam deck.

Wulff (B): Absolutely. I've played portal one and two. I love those games. But glados. Oh, man, I don't know. This is a tough one because Gannon is just such an evil prick who is relentless, right?

GP (E): What an. Ahole, absolutely.

Chard (A): But he has a smug look on his face too.

Jake (C): Don't punchable face.

Chard (A): Big fucking nose, asshole.

Wulff (B): Gladys isn't even really capable of emotion. She's just doing what needs to be done.

Sins (D): No, but she is an asshole prick too. With the whole parents thing. Your parents don't love you. Or this air is recycled from outside. I'm just kidding. Or I saw a deer today, but you don't get to.

Chard (A): Stasis.

Wulff (B): She is definitely endlessly demeaning, I will give you that.

Chard (A): Which most people, when they come out of stasis, tend to lose a little bit of weight and are fatigued. You don't appear to have lost anything. Damn, bitch. Call me fat man.

Sins (D): When she has celebration for the character's parents, confetti comes out.

Chard (A): Oh, I'm sorry, they don't love you.

Wulff (B): It's just a insults and attacks constantly.

Sins (D): Just verbal.

Wulff (B): Not just verbal, but you know what I mean, because she does try to kill shell numerous times.

Sins (D): What about when she's in the potato? She actually kind of has a personality with feelings when she's in the potato.

Wulff (B): I think that's partly because she doesn't have the personality core limiters.

Sins (D): Right, right.

Wulff (B): So it's really all the Tweaking to her systems that have made her how she is. She was not inherently that way, but at the end of the day, those tweakings to the systems are still Gladys and not the original person that she was based on. That worked for Cave Johnson. At her core. She's Cave, johnson's assistant. But the personality limiters have made her glados. Right. And that's what we see as the villain in Portal. And then you've got Gan, and again, like I said, he's just a relentless reincarnating self aggrandizing wanting to take over the world. Bastard, right?

GP (E): Yeah, he's the archetype.

Wulff (B): Yeah.

Chard (A): I don't know.

GP (E): Part of what makes Blatant so kind of scary and chilling is because her motives were kind of unknown. To what degree? What is her end game? If I die in this building, is she going to continue mocking my corpse?

Sins (D): Well, and that's the thing that I want to bring up is that's the thing I want to bring up is yes, Ganondorf has continued to try to take over the world. Right? But here's the thing about Gladys. The world has already ended and she's continuing on with this last person.

Jake (C): Is that the lore for Portal?

Wulff (B): We don't know for sure.

Sins (D): You don't know? But there's no humans. You don't ever see any other humans.

Jake (C): Right? Well, the facility is empty except for the one character.

Sins (D): Well, but there are allusions to basically saying like, this is post the end of humanity. There are illusions to that.

Jake (C): Okay, you guys kept saying Ganondorf is wanting to take over the world. He does, though, in Arcarena of Time, he actually ends up taking over the world when Link is stuck in a time thing. And when you come out as adult Link, the world is basically an apocalypse. Gannon rules everything. So he kind of does win in Link to the Past. He maintains dominion over the entire dark world. So he's always had in some capacity like this. He controls vast number of people and, like, takes him down. But he still he wins to a degree. Right?

Wulff (B): Yeah. Well, he also you come into Breath of the Wild, and Gannon has already won. You're well past Gannon winning.

Sins (D): That's true.

Wulff (B): Gannon is supposed to be the physical form of evil in The Legend of Zelda. Right. Like, that's what Gannon is, no matter what iteration of it. Gannon is the physical manifestation of evil in Zelda.

Sins (D): Right.

Wulff (B): Whereas glados she's got goals with psychopathic tendencies. Right. And it's hard to say which is scarier, kind of no, this is crazy, is scary and Gladys is crazy.

GP (E): And you don't have enough information because of the Starkness and the scarcity of anything in the Portal games, your knowledge of what is is severely limited. But you know that there's this very irritating but oddly charming, funny, sexy, early bond kind of voice talking to you.

Sins (D): Anyway, Gannon, real quick aside, real quick aside, there's a poker game on steam poker night.

Wulff (B): Poker night at the inventory.

Sins (D): Yeah. And the second one, Gladys, is the dealer. And it is delicious. It is absolutely delicious.

Chard (A): I just had dinner, too.

Wulff (B): This is a tough one.

Chard (A): I forgot Wolf hasn't been yeah, I.

Wulff (B): Think I have to it's it's very close, but I gotta go Gannon on this one.

GP (E): I agree, Gannon dorf. But who would I rather probably have a conversation with? Gladys?

Sins (D): There's two for Gannon. There is a scene in my mind there is a scene in my mind in Portal Two when Wheatley has been helping or you've been helping Wheatley get the system activated again and all of a sudden that elevator starts going up and all those switches start flipping. And then you see Gladys peel herself off the floor in her cybernetic bits and pieces and it is terrifying. And then on top of that, for those that have VR whatever, that steam that VR. No, but I'm talking the game that they made where you can like but it's all portal based game stuff.

Chard (A): Oh, is it really? Yes.

Sins (D): And Gladys gladys is massive and terrifying.

Wulff (B): So they did something.

Chard (A): You can play portal on VR.

Sins (D): No, it's its own game. I can't remember what it's called. There's a scene where you assemble the little dudes that are in Portal Two.

Wulff (B): And there's a scene where you okay, this is a thing that they built to sort of teach you how to use the valve index.

Sins (D): It was prior to valve index. This was during live.

Wulff (B): Okay.

Sins (D): But if you go into that, you put that headset on it, you look up a gladys, it's called the lab. That's what it is. It's the lab.

Chard (A): The lab.

Sins (D): It is terrifying. Yeah, it is terrifying. I'm going to say Gladys because to.

GP (E): Me.

Sins (D): There is nothing more sinister than what seems like the world has already ended and the villain is still going. Like the villain has one last toy and is still going. So I'm going to vote for Gladys because it's not even trying to take over the world. She just wants to experiment on these people.

GP (E): Just wants to watch the world burn. I think I just came up with that.

Chard (A): That is kind.

Sins (D): So gladys here.

Jake (C): So I was already to say Gannon but then sister is making a good point and then Wolf said something that's sticking with me where it's just like Gannon is the embodiment of evil. Sure. But Gladys is crazy and crazy is scary and terrifying.

Wulff (B): Yeah, crazy beats scary is what it was. I think.

Chard (A): Crazy hot. Crazy hot scale, right?

Jake (C): So Link against Gannon. Link kind of knows where he stands with Gannon, right. At all times. He's evil. He's the bad guy. His mission is defeat Gannon. He knows this. They could enter a room together and they know where he stands with Gannon. He's just the bad guy. Glados you never know. Is she throwing you a bone, throwing you some cake, trying to get you to help you? Or is she just experimenting as another trap, another twist, another minor cake.

GP (E): There will be cake. You will.

Sins (D): Spoiler. Warning for those that haven't played portal one I'm going to say this. There is a line where she says in one of the experiments she says I lied to you but I won't lie to you again. And then later, like a couple of experiments later she says you will be baked and then there will be cake. And you think it's a slip of the tongue.

GP (E): But there is no tongue.

Jake (C): Yeah, it's not.

GP (E): There's only a disk operating system.

Jake (C): The other thing is too is Gannon.

Chard (A): Is he's the bad guy.

Jake (C): He's kind of like created these dungeons or added his minions to these dungeons. His final tower is constructed by him. It's really not effective at all. Really. Link easily trounces the final dungeon arcane of time and makes it to the top. It's not much of an obstacle. Whereas Gladys has made a maze of traps and just terrifyingly difficult puzzles to torment and torture the player. I actually think Gladys I think is the better villain in this case. I didn't think I'd go this way but I'm going to vote Gladys.

Sins (D): All right, one last thing. And this has no voting like tie to it whatsoever. I talked to Chard about this but the anger module is voiced by Mike Patton.

GP (E): Also Ganondorf I think has to win with horse riding abilities. So not that's part of the official you ever see Gladys on a horse? I've not.

Chard (A): How fortuitous that I am here yet again. Being the tiebreaker between you chosen charge.

Jake (C): Your opinion matters again.

Wulff (B): Yeah.

Jake (C): Two for two.

GP (E): Wow.

Chard (A): Two for two. That's never did it right there.

GP (E): What do we got?

Chard (A): I'll approach. It the same way that my phone call went this morning. Gannon Dorf is a fantastic additional fuck it. Gannon is an evil motherfucker and he's repetitive, but it's the trope. It's the same thing, right? I'm going to kidnap Zelda user.

GP (E): It's consistency.

Chard (A): My shit is pretty consistent and nobody wants to hear about that either.

Sins (D): It's true.

GP (E): Charge. Deuce. Moving on to the next round.

Chard (A): That is my shit.

Sins (D): In a surprise twist, not only do we have gravity going one round, but we have charged shit going on round three.

GP (E): What kills more people? Gravity or charge?

Jake (C): Please continue.

GP (E): I'm sorry, I'm done interrupting.

Chard (A): I am Gwen Stefani. Shit.

GP (E): But one more thing.

Chard (A): Okay, Fenda?

Wulff (B): Yeah.

Chard (A): I got to go. Gladys. So here's my thing about Gladys. Sinister literally pulled the thing from my brain is the thing coming up and you're flipping all the switches on and Gladys coming in, following that. Gladys remembers you killing her, and she constantly reminds you of it the entire time you're running around inside the fucking maze. And every time you feel like you're going to get out just puts you further, deeper in and then gives you some fucking snide comment about you. That's horrible. And it's literally it's the kid with the magnifying glass on the anthill. That's exactly what it is. She is playing with you the entire time.

GP (E): One of my favorite things about Portal was discovering that it was kind of a psychological horror game going into it. You don't know it. It's fun, it's cheeky. It's a puzzle game.

Chard (A): You just think it's a puzzle game.

GP (E): Oh, my God, I'm getting shot at. As you're learning more, I really don't.

Chard (A): Want your learning the entire way. Yeah, she's twisted. She's twisted. Fuck. And she does want to kill you, but unlike Gannon, wants to take over the world and links just in the way of that. That's pretty basic, right? You're in the way of me. Or he's already done it and he's trying to maintain his evil persona and links. He's the fly in the ointment. He's the monkey wrench in the gears. I got to kill this motherfucker. Gladys is just like inkling of hope. You may have no, take that away. Oh, hey, I'm going to give you a little bit. No, I'm going to go ahead and take that away. And you're just going to keep getting worse and worse. She goes, I'll kill you eventually, but right now, this is just too fun.

GP (E): It's that whole going back to talk about my dad real quick in a weird coincidence.

Jake (C): I'm kidding.

GP (E): Please, go ahead.

Chard (A): Yeah, I got to go. Gladys and it's fresh with me. It's a fresh thing with me. So it's still like, on the brain with her. I've been really impressed as I think Jake said it, where it was like this. You think it's just a puzzle game. GP and Jake both said it. It's a puzzle game. And I just never got into how interesting the puzzle aspect of it was. But there's so much more into it, and she's so fucking twisted. I remember fighting her at the end of the first one. It's like, this is crazy. All the shit's going down. Gladys is my winner for this round.

Sins (D): And for me, one of the things I absolutely love is I went into that game thinking it was just a bear puzzle game. Just a bear puzzle game. And then it has this very cool backstory of what Gladys is doing to you.

Chard (A): Anyway. All right, so Gladys, winner of the over Ganondorf. Perfect. All right, I'll try and speed these up because we're already 52 minutes in and we still got at least three more to go. All right, our next one ridley from Metroid series and Salvanis from the Warcraft series. Now, I know there is a lot of deep knowledge amongst this panel for at least one of these characters. I'll go first. So please have added gentlemen, give us.

Jake (C): That Lord dump GP.

GP (E): Well, okay, no, I don't want to retread things that everybody here clearly already knows and it would be insulting to the audience to go over too much. One of the things that I like so much about Ridley is actually tangentially to Glados. It's this idea of the unquantifiable entity. We don't exactly know the motivations right away. We just know there's, in the case of Ridley, this big, imposing figure that we have to figure out how to take down. And the fact that Ridley comes back several different times for the series, I don't know. And then, of course, the other person that you named who I mean, what.

Sins (D): Needs to be said about Sylvanis?

GP (E): What else can you say that hasn't already been said and documented in the annals of time? But that said, Ridley I always thought Ridley, aside from being kind of scary or whatever, just a really cool bad guy. And then the revelation of Ridley being in prime when you first see him and all that kind of thing and then you think you've taken him down with the space frigate and then just for him to I don't know, it was some cool shit and a dope looking bad guy.

Chard (A): That's my I think you pronounced annals wrong. It's j annals.

Sins (D): Analyze anals.

GP (E): I thought you were going a different direction. Anyway, yeah, so that's me, of course. I'm kind of a Metroid fanboy, so yeah, that's where I fall between that one and.

Wulff (B): Runner.

GP (E): Sylvana.

Chard (A): Windrunner was my maiden name.

Sins (D): Ilvana.

Wulff (B): Let me give you guys some backstory on Sylvanis and Ridley.

GP (E): Please.

Chard (A): You mean Kerrigan?

Wulff (B): Yeah, I can do some backstory on Ridley, too. Actually, I did some reading about him today. Fantastic. I want to preface this by saying if we were counting expanded lore outside of the Games, ridley would win. Okay? Because Ridley, shown outside of the Games in the manga is one evil, soulless son of a bitch right? But once you limit your lore base to just what's in the video games, Sylvanis wins. And it's not entirely because she's just a bad person. Because she's not entirely a bad person. She was actually someone of great stature and honor who her soul was ripped out of her by the Lich King, and then he turned her into a monster. And she's been wrestling with that ever since. Her soul was split in two when that happened. When it's together, she is at least someone who is trying to make a better world for the people like her, the Forsaken, the undead that don't answer to the Lich King. Right? But when her soul is ripped apart, separated, the evil part is pure evil and commits genocide. Right? She burned down the world.

GP (E): That's Sylvana.

Chard (A): Sylvana Winchester.

Wulff (B): She was willing to do whatever it took for other people's nefarious devices. Right. But when her soul is whole, she actually means well and does not get her hands all that dirty unless she absolutely has to for the greater good of the Forsaken first, the Hoard second. She's for her people first and then for her faction second. But that's still way up there, right? It's just the fact that her soul can be separated again makes her a scary villain because she will go to great darkness to achieve things.

Chard (A): Remember that episode where Sylvanus and Dean were fighting the Lich King outside of the hotel? And then the yellow eyed Lich King, he throws the holy water and he says, hey, ass face, and then he throws on her, and then Sylvanus gets trapped. Her soul gets trapped in the cage with Satan or Lucifer. I remember that.

Wulff (B): It wasn't as face. It was ass butt.

Sins (D): Yeah.

Wulff (B): Okay, you're a short ass, but.

Jake (C): I want to build on what Wolf said. So the thing with Savannah so when we're making this list of villains, I think we had to put a Blizzard villain on here. The problem is a lot of Blizzard villains are very formulaic, right? Like, we joked. Carrigan. Right. There's also the lady who played Diablo in Diablo three. Kind of some similar personality traits, I guess. But Sylvanus, though, she's a long standing character. Going back to warcraft three and then World of Warcraft. Yes, in World of Warcraft Three, or sorry, Warcraft Three, she was the bad guy, but she's under the control of the Lich King Arthur when she freed herself in World Warcraft and built up a faction of basically the undead who opposed the Lich King. She's not necessarily a bad guy. Yes, she's looking for people and very Xenophobic, maybe you could say. But she's still looking out for people. So I don't think she's evil then. And there were recent expansion. This is why I want on the list. She becomes the bad guy in that expansion. I think she goes to, like, the afterlife. I don't know the warcraft lore, but she goes to the afterlife and makes a deal with the jailer, the demon. And part of the deal is that she becomes alive again. But she has to kill people to feed him souls. And that's why I felt she was, like, such a great villain. But by the end of that Expansion, she's redeemed her soul. Pieces that are split are burst together, and she feels remorse and guilt and all those things. And by the end of that Expansion, she's no longer a villain. She's trying to redeem herself. So that, I think, does not make her villain. Just like megas. I was all ready to say she was the big, the winner in this. But when I read that last bit of lore today at the end of the expansions, that's what happens to her. That's her fate, is she redeems herself. And she's out there in the world now trying to gain due penance to make up for the atrocities that she's committed. I think that turns around. And much like Meghan, I think she's maybe not the better villain in this case.

Wulff (B): Yeah.

Sins (D): All right.

Chard (A): Sylvanus's origin story is going to premiere on The WB here real soon, too.

Sins (D): So, are you saying that's two for Ridley and one for Sylvana?

Jake (C): Ridley is not a great villain. Like, Ridley, to me, is super Metroid, and that's it, right? You shoot him in the intro and then you have a boss fight with him.

GP (E): Sorry, did Ganondorf show up in a bunch of other properties I don't know about?

Wulff (B): Other than Ridley?

Chard (A): Mega Ridley? Holy shit. That thing is mega.

Wulff (B): Ridley is not Ridley. Right, but it's made of himself to show how powerful he is.

Jake (C): Oh, I thought it was him.

Chard (A): That's a pretty evil trope. You know what? I'm going to make an evil robot of myself just to prove you how fucking evil I am. That seems pretty evil.

Jake (C): That's the robot I'm delegating.

Chard (A): I may not have seen that episode of Supernatural, but I'm telling you, that's pretty fucked up.

Wulff (B): Two things we never actually learn of Ridley's personal motivations in the Games. Also, he just works for Mother brain.

GP (E): Kind of a dick, non quantifiable entity. Why is this person destroying Henchmen then?

Jake (C): Not a villain? Is that the argument?

Sins (D): I guess.

Wulff (B): Yeah. He's basically a cooper kid.

Chard (A): What is it, two and two still?

Sins (D): I'm going last. I haven't voted.

Chard (A): Okay, well, you know what?

Jake (C): I think I might go back to savannah has been a villain, right, in the past. I can't even see the name. Windrunner has had a villainous past. She may not be a villain currently, but she was. Ridley's just a henchman and has always been a henchman. He's just a schmuck. All right, you know what? It will flip me. I'm Sylvanis.

Sins (D): Okay? So sylvana. Sylvanis. Ridley for GP. What are you charred last?

Chard (A): Go.

GP (E): No, real quick, please keep in mind to the two other guys who still need to vote here, if you vote Sylvanis, that means that Sylvanis will show up in another bracket and we're just going to have to talk about her some more. We all have to act like we know what's going on.

Wulff (B): She's a better villain.

Chard (A): No, I'm going, Ridley, because I've seen that episode of Supernatural and it wasn't very good.

Sins (D): So now it's two and two, right?

Wulff (B): Yes.

GP (E): Okay, that's announced my retirement. Go ahead.

Sins (D): I'm going, Sylvanus, because no werewolf is absolutely right. We talked about how these are specifically the video game villains versions and Ridley in the video game is just a boss. Sylvan just a boss and not the final boss.

Chard (A): All right, that's fine. No, that's fine. You could be a bad guy for like, a segment and then be good again and still be a better villain than a person that's a villain all the time. That's fine. That seems to make perfect sense.

GP (E): That's all it is. You're just a temporary asshole. That's all it is.

Chard (A): That's fine. I'm sorry I didn't eat today. I was hangry. Best villain ever.

Jake (C): Have a snicker.

Chard (A): You're good.

Sins (D): Except for I didn't eat today and I'm an asshole means I actually fed human lives to the Lich King. That's fine.

Chard (A): I fucking slept 3 hours. I guess I'm the best villain today. Cool.

GP (E): If somebody would just give don't worry.

Chard (A): And my advanced DG, all my soul shards will come back together and I'll stop eating a dick. Cool. Your soul shard villain.

GP (E): I love that.

Chard (A): They're all in my kitchen next to my advanced GG shaker. Terrible pick. Let's move on. So what everybody's been waiting for? Let's go. We got two final fantasies back to back, but I'm going to throw you a curveball. Yeah, we're going to pick. Everybody likes Sephiroth for some reason is picked on here. I don't know why we went with Sephiroth. There's better villains than that, but not Canadian. So I guess I don't have to understand.

Jake (C): I didn't make these brackets. It was a group.

Chard (A): Of the gods. Section two.

GP (E): Versus what?

Chard (A): I love all the squids. It's just Kafka. I'm just fucking with you. It's Kafka. Kafka versus Sephirothko. This should be an easy one.

Sins (D): Kafka, look.

GP (E): Life, dreams, hope. Where do they come from? Where do they go? Such meaningless things. I'll destroy them all. Kafka for the win. Forever and always.

Sins (D): Where did you go?

Chard (A): Oh, must be exhausting.

GP (E): We talked earlier about how one of the benchmarks of an interesting villain is a strong willed person who believes they're doing the right thing thanos Ultron. Just use some comic book tropes. The great thing about Kefka is Kefka doesn't really have the ideals of right or wrong. They are bat shit crazy in a similar way to the Joker, but to a very, very successful degree.

Sins (D): We talked about how crazy is scarier than evil. Kafka is crazy when he man killed an entire kingdom.

GP (E): Yes, the kingdom of Doma poisoning. And he becomes all powerful and in a way that's what he's after. But he doesn't really care about being powerful. He just cares about destroying the power is not the goal. Ending everything is the goal. The power is just the means for it. And.

Sins (D): The power to destroy a world was in Kafka all along.

Chard (A): Yeah. And all of us.

Wulff (B): Yeah.

GP (E): I don't know about all right, that's two for Kefka.

Chard (A): How did Sephiroth even get a fucking.

Wulff (B): Heyday, Sephiroth looks cool.

Chard (A): Yeah.

Jake (C): He is a big source.

Wulff (B): An angry toddler.

Chard (A): Yeah.

Wulff (B): He is just mad about his life circumstance.

Chard (A): Genetically enhanced toddler.

Wulff (B): That's all it is. Whereas Kefka and we're going to bring it around. We're going to bring it around. Kefka is the joker. If Joker had magic.

GP (E): Yeah, that's exactly right. That's a mic drop. Don't drop the mic. But that's right.

Chard (A): There goes the thing is, somebody lied.

GP (E): To Kefka about who his real mom is. And the reveal of that in the game, I think was one of the highlights of Final Fantasy Seven, because he believes he was an ancient, but turns out he wasn't. He ends up being descendant of this other horrible thing that came to Earth. So big twisty reveal there. You don't have to have a big twisty reveal with Kafka. He just did the thing he said he was going to do.

Wulff (B): Yeah, he's just horrified. All he cares about is himself. That's it.

Chard (A): I don't even think he cares about himself. I think he doesn't care about anything.

Wulff (B): No, he cares about him. If he didn't care about himself, he wouldn't name things after him. He wouldn't say, I'm rebuilding the world in my image.

Chard (A): He is, right?

Jake (C): Yes.

Wulff (B): An egomaniac to the umpteenth degree. Right. He wanted power, so he became a general for Emperor Gestalt. And then Gestalt was like, no, stop. And he was like, you're stupid. You don't know what you're talking about. I'm not stopping here. And so he kept going and kept going and kept going. And then he succeeded, and then he kept everybody down afterward. Even after he was a success, he still didn't care about anybody but himself.

GP (E): Yeah. The closest thing Kepka ever cared about, in my opinion, in my estimation, is trying to get people to understand why nothing matters, and he doesn't really care that they understand it, but he still poses those questions. Why do people cling to life knowing it has to end, and that once you're dead, none of it will have meant anything? Like, that's? Some lofty ass shit for six year old me. And I'll say this. Even if Kafka was we'll say, Dr. Wiley, I would probably still vote for him based on nothing other than the Kafka Tower fight battle music fair. I'll stop now. I'll let everybody else talk.

Chard (A): You're good. So is that three for Kafka?

Wulff (B): I vote Kafka.

Chard (A): All right.

Sins (D): Jake, you don't matter.

Jake (C): Yeah, I know. The story of my life.

Chard (A): I'll just say.

Jake (C): I thought when the brackets were randomly selected in this. I thought there'd be more of a fight and more balanced fight, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, the brackets fate was wrong.

GP (E): That speaks to Kepka. I'm sorry. Would easily beat see how Gladys feels about it. Charge.

Jake (C): So Sephiroth's greatest achievements is he burned a village down and he killed Eris.

Wulff (B): Or Erith well, I mean nearly destroyed the planet with a giant comet, if you recall.

Jake (C): Yeah, but then Kafka literally destroyed everything.

GP (E): The weapons, the giant elemental weapon beasts. He took down Midgar, which is the source of all the horrible stuff.

Wulff (B): Transformers.

GP (E): Yeah. Sephiroth is a badass again, that doesn't.

Chard (A): Take away from Sephora screamer off.

Jake (C): I think I'm going to go back to what you said earlier. Crazy is scary. Like, crazy is terrifying. And Kefka is going to win. But I was hoping that Sephiroth would have more of an argument for him. But ultimately, I think kefa. This one.

Wulff (B): I've always thought that Sephiroth was just like an adult child having a tantrum.

GP (E): Scary or pure than a child. The quote from Bebop or crazy.

Jake (C): No, but GP, when you mentioned the backstory in Sephiroth and where he came from, I completely forgotten. He thought he was an ancient. And there's a whole weird thing there that the story in fanface seven was always just confusing. I still never understood. I was hoping the remake would expand on that when they finally finish whatever, how many parts they do.

Chard (A): We're going to leave out all that important stuff.

GP (E): I think we took out Liquid, am I correct? I'll mention this real quick. The reason I thought Liquid Snake would have been interesting for this is because the whole premise to Metal Gear Solid is we have these two genetically almost identical twins who are manufactured, and then one is believing himself to be the inferior clone, and the other one superior, and it kind of goes back and forth. So then Solid Snake ends up winning. And the big kind of twisty thing there, because they do that in that series a lot, is that in fact, Solid Snake was the inferior one, and that theming. And that twist kind of speaks back to the only thing, in my opinion, that really makes Sephiroth super interesting is realizing or finding out eventually you're not what you thought you were.

Wulff (B): You heard it here first, folks. Solid snake is Danny DeVito. Confirmed.

GP (E): Anyway, all right, sorry.

Chard (A): Thank you for that Kafka sweeps. Okay, I'll cut it short. I don't need to go on my die triad for that. You know how I feel about that. All right, we'll go into the next one. Robotnik eggman as depicted by Jim Carrey in the recent films and Dr. Wiley of the Mega man series.

Sins (D): Gentlemen, can I start this one?

Chard (A): You have your doctor's degrees, you have your eight years in college and in what do they do in practice? Residence. That's it. Resident, please don your white lab coats and. Vote.

Sins (D): Okay, my vote.

Chard (A): Sorry, you can go first.

Sins (D): My vote. Who cares? Move on.

Chard (A): Because we'll have a fucking awkward leg if that's the case. And Kefi will automatically win.

Sins (D): Fine. Dr. Wiley. Because Mega Man I don't know, I always felt like eggman robotnik was like I always felt like he was a joke. Honestly, I always did. At least Wiley was. I don't know, he felt like robots should always be subservient. So let's go. Wiley wins.

Wulff (B): They're both pretty egomaniacal and kind of inept. Let me say something here. How many eons of injustice is Dr. Wiley responsible for? Start with Mega man. He is responsible for the events of Mega Man X, which lead to the events of Mega Man Zero, which lead to the events of Mega Man ZX. All of that is Wiley's fault.

GP (E): Yes, he even comes back as surges in my mind palace in X Two. I know there's a subreddit there, but you're exactly right. I don't want to step on you. I'll wait for my turn.

Chard (A): Go ahead.

GP (E): Sorry.

Wulff (B): No, and even if you look at the Battle Network aspect, I'm pretty sure he's responsible for all of those six. And then it goes on to what? Star Force? Which is a spin off of Battle Network. So regardless of Mega Man timeline, you follow, wiley is responsible for everything. Maybe he didn't Wiley all along, but he did the most damage.

GP (E): Yes. I'll kind of make my case here. The bad thing about Wiley is he failed a bunch. I can name at least eleven instances in which he did. With that said, whatever it was, he died. His final fuck you to the world was leaving the Zero virus like his last send off was apocalyptic levels of horseshit. But the pro for him being voted is, like you said, the longevity. His legacy of evil is top tier. So if you look at Robotnik, kind of a silly bad guy. I don't really fully understand the story there, why he hates Sonic. Here's the thing though. If you're going to say a pro about Robotnik, and this will lead into his con, he's actually faster than Sonic the Hedgehog. If you make it to the end of Sonic Two, as I recently did, there is a foot race that happens and it doesn't matter if you're running a Sonic or if you're in your little run like Naruto. Yeah, and Naruto runs all the way to the end. So he is faster than the enemy that he is trying to beat. And his enemy, Sonic, the only thing he's famous for is his speed. So why go through all the extra stuff? Why build the giant robots? Why do all that stuff when you can just say Sonic, I bet I can beat you, and we'll go our separate ways?

Wulff (B): That he's got to think it's jewelry, right?

GP (E): Yeah, I mean, can't blame that.

Wulff (B): All he's really after is the the bling bling.

GP (E): So, you know, that's robotics kind of.

Chard (A): Cue the ring sound. Cue the ring sound.

GP (E): Sinister, would you put the the ring sound in after you make the shiny thing? And anyway sure, and show me every step of the process. But the thing is I love you so much, Sinister. You're my best friend. I got to give it to Wiley for those reasons.

Chard (A): Oh, man, there's so many inside jokes in this episode. I think you and I might have a similar answer being Sega kids at one point in our lives.

Jake (C): Yeah, for me, when I look at this matchup, they do feel very similar in that they both fail a whole lot. And I'm not as familiar with the X lore and ZX and all that stuff. I only know the classic Mega Man games and Dr. Wiley there, where even when he's not the bad guy, he still kind of is, but he still loses every damn time, and he keeps making invention after invention, and they all fail to make a man. So I don't know, but it's also.

GP (E): The sorry, go ahead. I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep interrupting.

Jake (C): Yeah, not to say Robotnik is this supervillain. He also loses a Sonic every damn time. What does it say when the most brilliant mind in that franchise loses to a blue little fur ball? Every time, right? Like every single time. Yeah, he's faster than.

Sins (D): All that means is that Sonic was the true villain all along.

GP (E): Look, either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

Jake (C): So here's where I'm going to fall on this one, because I think both of them are inept villains. From my experience in the franchise, I played with them. They both lose all the time.

Sins (D): I come back and come down.

Jake (C): No, well, I care for the sake of the science in this bracket, in this tournament important, it's relevant. We're doing dedication here, dedication. We're professional at Press B. So, look, don't let me forget, my point comes down to shit, I lost it.

GP (E): Well, while he's searching Sonic, which one are you picking?

Chard (A): Robotnik or Wiley?

Jake (C): Who's more recognizable as a bad guy? If you went to the streets and you asked ten people who's actually a villain of these two names, if you name drop Robotnik or Eggman, and you name drop Wiley, most people are going to say, who the fuck is Dr. Wiley? Nobody, nobody knows who that guy is. But I think more people know who Robotnik is. I think he has more of a legacy as a bad guy good or if he's bad at the job or not. He's more recognizable. So my vote is robotnik.

Chard (A): I think the only reason Robotnik benefits from that concept is because of the movies and their recent, recent release. I think if you took James Carey out of this whole picture and you don't have this movie series and you go and ask people, who do you know, I think Wiley would win, personally, because there's more games with a minute, I think it would still be close. I'm not saying that it would be a sweep or a landslide, but I definitely would think that more people would know Nintendo game Mega Man, at least the originals, than they would Sonic stuff. That's me personally. I'm a Sonic kid. Not over mega, man. I love Mega Man, don't get me wrong. But my hang up on Robotnik and why I think he was worse than Wiley is because he trapped animals in all his fucking machines. He was captured woodland creatures and had them power his fucking machines, which is what Sonic was doing. Now, I'm going to bestow some knowledge on you gentlemen, because many, many years ago I had a magazine. It was a Disney Adventure magazine. Within this little book was Sonic's origin story before it came out. Now it was in the was it.

Wulff (B): When he was brown?

Chard (A): Yes, when he was brown.

Wulff (B): I know it.

Chard (A): Yes. Okay, good. Someone will believe me. Yeah, I used to have kids.

Wulff (B): I am very familiar with this.

Chard (A): They used to be friends.

Wulff (B): Yeah.

Chard (A): And then Sonic got his powers by some scientific experiment gone wrong. And Eggman got his powers by trying to eat an egg next to the same machine that gave Sonic his powers.

Wulff (B): Yeah, the whole mishap that happened turned Sonic blue and made him even faster than he already was. And unfortunately, Eggman was eating a hard boiled egg or something, and Egg transferred to him. Robotnik is kintibor backwards. That's how he got his name. But again, this isn't the game, lord. This is random.

Chard (A): I'm so happy you knew that, Wolf. That makes me happy that you recognize that. All right, good, because I thought you guys were going to stare at me like I was talking on my ass. If I was the only one who knew that story, I guarantee you I.

Wulff (B): Think I saw that in the game pro, personally.

GP (E): But wow, you guys are colluding. I think somebody paid off somebody to tell their story.

Chard (A): Anyways, I picked Robotnik over Wiley myself because I was a big Sonic fan growing up, and I still am a big Sonic fan growing up. And he has some cool inventions. He made mechasonic. He has the big fucking Wiley robot that's a big pain in the ass to fight. Those are some cool shit. Now I know that Mega Man's got every single fucking robot man ever and woman now ever created and thrown out there that he had to fight so much, in fact, that we were refucking cycling the names of cold in different adjectives and verbs. Because frost man, ice man slippery man frozen after so many degrees, man has to be there so hard man. Flash man. Fucking light man. Fucking woodman. Fucking flash man. Fucking blade man. Metal man, sword man. Kintaro man.

Jake (C): You know what's really, truly evil? What's truly evil? Is the hit boxes on the sonic tube end, boss. That's true evil right now.

Chard (A): You're not wrong. How many deaths did I get out of that shit? So, yeah, Wiley wins this one. I'll stick my flag on the Robotnik Planet and you guys go fly away and like, why the world? That's fine with me.

GP (E): Real quickly. Well, I will admit eating an egg next to a reactor or whatever is a cool origin story. The thing that makes Wiley kind of awesome is he was the mirror image on a different path than Dr. Light. Like, they were besties and then they diverged, and I think that's very cool. I think that's more compelling than, I want to eat this and hope nothing bad happens.

Sins (D): It didn't involve enough hard boiled eggs.

Chard (A): That's when we thought eggs were healthy and they actually weren't, and then they were healthy again.

GP (E): Okay, to that. And this is a bit of a rabbit trail science when it comes to eggs is very confusing. They say it's good for you. They say it's bad for you. Only the white parts are good. But I find the white part of the egg cuts up my gums and I don't like eating that part.

Chard (A): Okay. And that's how he became a supervillain.

Sins (D): That's the wrong white part of the egg.

GP (E): We'll move on.

Jake (C): Okay?

Chard (A): Fantastic lightning round. Fantastic first round, gentlemen. Fantastic first round. Very are we ready for the lightning round?

Jake (C): Yes.

Chard (A): All right, first off, in the lightning round, bowser of the Mario Saga versus Handsome Jack of Border Lawns. Come on, gentlemen. Go.

Jake (C): Bowser. Bowser.

Sins (D): Handsome Jack.

GP (E): Are you saying that to be shitty, though?

Wulff (B): No, wait, I'm going to say Jack.

Sins (D): Is a better villain.

Wulff (B): I'm going to say Bowser again. Earlier, we were trying to say how little he's done, but honestly, he made Mario do the work for him. He turned the kingdom, the Mushroom kingdom, into bricks and let his own nemesis kill them for him.

Chard (A): Kept him employed.

GP (E): Bowser moves on.

Chard (A): Yeah, that's three for Bowser and Handsome Jack. But Bowser. Okay, good.

GP (E): What would you have said, George?

Chard (A): I would have said Handsome Jack, because that man thinks he's the hero.

Sins (D): Yeah.

Chard (A): And that's fucked up. There's nothing worse than someone doing the wrong thing and thinking they're right the entire time.

Sins (D): No, not even scary.

GP (E): Because of how I load the dishwasher. I would like to say I didn't.

Chard (A): Mean to personally attack one.

GP (E): I'm very proud of him.

Sins (D): I want to point out, it's not thinking that they're right, it's knowing that he's right.

Chard (A): Right, exactly.

Wulff (B): Quote Malcolm Reynolds. There's nothing worse than a monster who thinks he's right with God.

Sins (D): Yes.

Chard (A): And that guy. Yeah. Malcolm Reno's. Good old Malk. Lightning round.

Wulff (B): Firefly, man, firefly.

Sins (D): Yeah, I got you.

Jake (C): I got the reference. I get that reference.

Chard (A): I left those nerd goggles at home.

Sins (D): Apparently, that man over there is playing Gallagher. That's fine.

Chard (A): Semi lightning rounds. Gladys versus Silvada Winchester.

GP (E): Oh glados got lucky.

Jake (C): Yeah, glados is the actual villain here.

Chard (A): Gladys yeah. Glados, you go back to the cage with Lucifer. Savannah all right.

GP (E): Sorry about your soul.

Chard (A): Moving on. Top three. Okay. Why'd you put robotnik? Dude, it's Wiley, first of all. Yeah, he's trying to cheat, okay?

Wulff (B): Trying to give robotnik the golden buzzer. What the fuck?

Jake (C): I'm not even going to dignify this with an answer. Okay, the brackets are randomized, I slipped up.

Wulff (B): The wins aren't.

Chard (A): Okay. Wow. I'm starting to wonder about this Canadian AI. System. More so than I normally do. All right, guys, top three. Let's start picking our top three.

Jake (C): Hold on. Keska versus Mary Wiley. Yeah, let's hear it. You didn't do the last one.

Chard (A): Okay, I'm sorry. Keska versus Wiley.

Sins (D): Go.

Chard (A): Well, you see what happened.

Wulff (B): Wiley had the staying power. Wiley's impact lasted till well, I mean, so did Kefka's, probably.

GP (E): Yeah, Kefka.

Chard (A): Thank you.

GP (E): He changed face of the planet.

Jake (C): Yeah. Forever.

GP (E): He rearranged existence. That's pretty impressive. As far as villain credentials, he killed.

Chard (A): An entire kingdom because he wanted to.

GP (E): Wiley repurposed some robots.

Wulff (B): Yeah, but like you said earlier, his final fuck you was the zero virus, which is very long that lasted.

GP (E): Yeah, I'm not trying to take away.

Wulff (B): From last, but interstellar travel.

GP (E): Hold on now.

Chard (A): Wow.

GP (E): I was just trying no, I love the devil's advocate.

Sins (D): That's great.

GP (E): The yellow devil's advocate.

Chard (A): That's the last we'll hear of Wiley for tonight. No, we won't.

GP (E): He'll be back.

Wulff (B): He'll just wear Sunday all along Clark Kent levels of incognito and it works.

Chard (A): I'm not doing it. It's this weird fucking foreign.

Wulff (B): Believe me.

Chard (A): A robot fighting usual hair, mr. X. Okay, final three. Let's pick our top three. Mario Brothers Bowser Gladys of the Portal series. And Kafka. The Final Fantasy series. Gentlemen, what are three, twos and ones?

GP (E): I know the answers.

Jake (C): Bowser is going to be three, right?

Sins (D): Bowser's three.

Chard (A): Yeah, I got a bowser. I want to go bowser Gladys.

Sins (D): That's what I like. I'll go with that one.

GP (E): I would have gone Kapka. Bowser. Gladys.

Jake (C): I think Gladys more iconic than Bowser, I think, just in terms of being a villain.

GP (E): Okay, glad metrics. Who do you think has more tattoos in the world? You think there are more bowser tattoos or more glados tattoos?

Chard (A): I don't know, but I think it.

GP (E): Makes myself because I have one of each.

Sins (D): I'm now thinking of getting a glados tattoo, now that you've mentioned it. And not a bowser tattoo.

GP (E): If it's not a tram stamp, I send it back.

Chard (A): Bowser and glad. I was looking each other in the eye.

Sins (D): Yes. With Kafka sitting above them.

Chard (A): That's right.

GP (E): I'm going to get the aperture logo around my nipple.

Sins (D): It'll be great.

Chard (A): No, I think bowser, you should have a portal going into one and out the other.

GP (E): There we go.

Sins (D): Three out of the three. Bowser to me is the softest of the three. No, because sure it is.

Jake (C): Van.

Sins (D): He got Mario to do his evil bidding and destroy people. But at the end of the day, who does he really want to kill?

Jake (C): Nobody.

Sins (D): Right?

Wulff (B): Nobody. He just wants to get married.

Chard (A): Mary just wants to fucking smoke a bowl and chill out. But Gladys wants fucking hot down here, bro.

Wulff (B): Glados want to blaze it.

Sins (D): Fuck wants to fuck with whatever your.

GP (E): Name is, so long as you're in the one building. Bowser's evil knows no bounds.

Chard (A): He's been like the hell world running around and shit.

GP (E): No matter where the whistle tornado takes evil, too.

Sins (D): Who's to say that anybody else exists in the world? Gladys is literally thinking, this is the last person alive.

GP (E): Because.

Wulff (B): Hold on. Can I bring us back to when we were playing grabbing the mic, super Mario 3D, world on the switch when the remake came out, right? I got to the end of that game, and first you get to world seven, and Bowser's got this whole carnival kingdom suspended on an island in the air that is held up by a glass pipe, right?

GP (E): Bonn yes.

Wulff (B): And then all day, you finish that world, and he's got another fucking island up in the sky suspended on another glass pipe. The engineering prowess of this man's army is a hook.

Chard (A): Engineering prowess? And we're going to talk about an AI that's trying to kill you inside.

Wulff (B): Of a he could ever change. Clearly, if he can suspend two islands on glass pipe whoa.

Sins (D): Glass pipe is a far cry from building robotics. He's a far cry from building robotics.

Jake (C): The only robots he builds are the mechacoopas and they're fucking wind up. He can't even do batteries right. His biggest crime support with his seven.

GP (E): Kids wind up makes it smarter instead of batteries.

Wulff (B): Clown, cop.

Chard (A): And it doesn't matter because just waiting for Peach to come out and 420 blaze it with him.

Wulff (B): Capable villain on his own. But he has such he commands things and they get done. Whatever he commands, it's done.

GP (E): Gladys doesn't delegate. No villain, arguably, has been better at delegating than Bowser.

Wulff (B): And they listen.

GP (E): They listen and they listen. And he names his children interesting things. And he says, there's eight worlds here that need to be guarded. I got the last one. I need to have seven kids. And what's he do? He has seven kids.

Chard (A): Hopped or two if I had seven kids.

GP (E): I'm not saying he's not weird. I'm not saying he's cooler than Gladys.

Wulff (B): Wait.

GP (E): I'm saying he's a more prolific villain.

Sins (D): Who did he knock up?

Chard (A): Leave me alone.

Sins (D): Who did he knock up? Since he's trying to get with Peach?

Wulff (B): We don't know.

GP (E): We don't know.

Wulff (B): But he only has one.

GP (E): You're right.

Wulff (B): They're his sisters and brothers. Children who we don't know. We assume he's just taking care of them, maybe even Bowser family. And we don't know it. I don't know.

Jake (C): Like babies. Kids.

Wulff (B): Thought his name was Bowser. Cooper.

Chard (A): The Bowser brothers the almond browser.

Sins (D): I'm saying bowser's three.

Jake (C): Yeah.

GP (E): Who else agrees with that? I think we all know Kepka wins.

Chard (A): Yeah.

Jake (C): Hold on now. Kafka versus Gladys.

Chard (A): You hold on now. Really?

Wulff (B): Kefka versus imaginable power.

Sins (D): Yeah, I have to give it to Kafka.

Wulff (B): Living space crazy really doesn't want to.

Chard (A): Just because he wants to be different and he doesn't have to be.

GP (E): Early on, Kefka was going to win.

Sins (D): Gladys and Kafka are both crazy, but Kefka has the power to destroy worlds.

GP (E): Yeah.

Jake (C): If you gave Gladys, if you let her out of that complex, could she not destroy things?

Wulff (B): She doesn't care to be out of the complex.

GP (E): Did anybody let Keska do anything?

Wulff (B): No, he just got a whole song about doing science to make the world better.

Chard (A): She'd be like handsome jack. She'd think she was right. Yeah, that's pretty scary. But it's not Kefka's.

Wulff (B): Purview is very small compared to Kefka's.

Jake (C): Okay. All right.

GP (E): Closer than I thought. Dentist. We get it.

Chard (A): Yeah. The minute you put Kef on here, you knew it was going to go to number one. You knew that if I didn't put.

Jake (C): Them in the brackets, there'll be butiny.

Wulff (B): Just to make this official, how many people agree with Kefka as number one? Okay, that's four of us.

Jake (C): Fine. Look, your toothpaste has not been scientifically proven to prevent cavities and tooth decay. Fuck you. But that's okay.

GP (E): I wish we could see the report from that last dentist that ends with fuck you. That'd be hilarious.

Wulff (B): Sound like Gladys has three votes for second and two votes for third. So it sounds like it's Kefka, Gladys.

GP (E): Bowser and Jeff is saying we're predictable. I think sometimes you can predict things because it's just inherently correct.

Chard (A): Yeah. If we're never wrong.

Sins (D): Is correct predictable.

Jake (C): I know I'm never wrong.

Wulff (B): Let me posit this to the listeners and viewers as the man who didn't, if you think there's a villain worse than Kafka, come in the discord and share it with us, please.

Sins (D): There you go.

Wulff (B): Comment on the YouTube, comment on the video.

Sins (D): Come into.

Wulff (B): Video game. Video game villains.

Sins (D): Press.

Chard (A): Also, we're going to premise this. It's okay to be wrong because Jake's on the show.

Wulff (B): Shit.

GP (E): Wow. Now? Yes. Just because we as a group decided to kept the one it's not official until Jake where that's by hosted wiley might still win. We don't really know.

Sins (D): I keep realizing that Jake has the power to you're an excellent host right now. He could be like click. Thanks, guys. See you.

Jake (C): Yeah. Gladys pulls off her hat and it's widely all along. I am curious, though, for listeners if there is a better villain for this list because we did struggle a bit trying to determine what villains put on this list.

GP (E): We labored.

Jake (C): So there's a lot out there and it's tough.

Chard (A): There was laboring.

Sins (D): Yeah.

Chard (A): Or chugging. Dr. Robotnik.

GP (E): Good job.

Chard (A): That's the Canadian version.

Jake (C): Which is different than the American dr. Robotnik for sure.

GP (E): Do you guys even have eggman up where you live? I don't know.

Jake (C): Why is he eggman all of a sudden? He's been a robotic in North America for decades. Why they changed his name? Because he's always been in the movies. He's eggman in the movies.

Chard (A): I don't know. That maybe copyright.

Wulff (B): Yeah, I don't know.

Chard (A): I mean, they have a giant blue hedgehog where they don't have a copyright for ignorant.

GP (E): March Radness has been fantastic.

Chard (A): It's sonic.

Sins (D): To do the required to do the required like this subscribe tell your friends, go to press btcancel.com where you can find our discord to come. Tell us how wrong we are.

GP (E): Yes. More than anything, the key takeaway is tell us why we're wrong.

Sins (D): Yes.

Jake (C): Tell these other four enthusiasts why they're very wrong.

Sins (D): Thank you. Or Gladys fans, unite. Let's go.

Jake (C): Yeah.

Wulff (B): Okay.

GP (E): One last thing. If I were going to get a blue and an orange portal tattoo on my body, it would be the armpits. It would look like the toss of armpit hair.

Chard (A): Just better yet, you have them shave the armpit hair and then whatever's on the other side, have them draw that in the portal so when you lift it up, it looks like you're looking at the tattoo part of the way you got it done it. Wow.

GP (E): I've got a $25 budget for this.

Chard (A): It looks like you're going to get the sharpies out because that's how that sharpies and the needles.

Sins (D): Jeff just brought up. Andrus from starfox. Who. Andross, yeah. We would happily take on Kafka. Moving on to another round.

Chard (A): No way. That andros beats out Sylvanis Winchester. No way. What a fantastic episode. It's good. Great. We made a whole hour and a half, as is our normal bracket time. So I want to thank the five of you that's including me, I'm thanking myself for coming out and doing this. Guys, let's do the round robin. Gentlemen, where can they find you?

Wulff (B): Jake?

Chard (A): Take it away.

Jake (C): You can find me on Twitter, sicjake and sometimes on YouTube. I've been de rusting with Battodes. It's rough. Leave it at that.

Chard (A): Where Wolf? Where can they find you, my friend?

Wulff (B): Mostly here. Hopefully soon. On YouTube. I've got a couple of videos I've recorded. I just haven't uploaded them because I don't get down to the office enough lately.

Chard (A): All good, Jake. I mean GP. Jake, you already went. Stop stepping in front of GP. GP.

Jake (C): We are both handsome. Thank you.

GP (E): You can find me on you can find me on Twitch under S-I-C-J-A-K-E. Search Google for it, tell you meant it. And I am sinister.

Chard (A): GP. If you had a doomsday device, I'd power it. And Cinnastar. Where can I find you?

Sins (D): Twitch TV cinestar 77. Where I think I'm at about the back quarter of Chrono trigger.

Chard (A): You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? And you can find me on Twitch. C-H-A-R-D-M-O-N-K twitter advanced. GG drink up. Enjoy. No taste. And here Friday nights with these wonderful gentlemen who have yet to fire me doing something wrong. Guys, thank you so much for being here. We will see you next week with more march. Radness wolf send us out.

Wulff (B): The Kempka is a lie.

It's time for Press B's March Radness! A month long celebration of salt and tears as each week in March we do bracket tournament style episodes.

On this episode of Press B, we dive into the world of video games based on movies and explore some of the most disappointing and frustrating adaptations ever made. From poorly executed gameplay mechanics to shoddy graphics, we discuss why these games failed to live up to the hype of their source material. Join us as we relive some of the most cringe-worthy moments in gaming history.

Press B To Cancel now on Youtube! For updates and more episodes please visit our website www.pressbtocancel.com, or find us on Twitter @pressbtocancel and Instagram @pressbtocancel.

Special thanks to The Last Ancient on SoundCloud for our podcast theme.

Transcript: GP (A): Alright, everybody. Hello and welcome back to our podcast. Press B to cancel.

Jake (B): You had to do the opening line.

GP (A): Can I say hi first or you want the because I was going to lead into it.

Chard (C): All right.

GP (A): I have this. Okay.

Jake (B): You're right.

GP (A): If it please Your Highness, I will.

Jake (B): Okay.

GP (A): All right.

Sins (D): Okay, everybody start over.

Wulff (E): I thought we'd do a poldo, but in Dead. Hellos.

Chard (C): This is our first podcast. We've never done this before.

GP (A): You can host if you want to host.

Jake (B): No, it's okay. I'm good. It's all right.

GP (A): Since you copy did you not? Okay. No. So this episode is a little bit different, which is my fault, but I want to touch on that. And then I'll do the opening line and then we'll do our introductions. But I want to say this, everybody. It's march. Radness. I'm thrilled this is going to be a particularly fun episode because we're all in a hateful mood, if you weren't already picking up on that. This is one of those rare gems, a hidden gem, if you will, of an episode where we all get to just trash on things. And I think we all enjoy that. Except for Jake.

Jake (B): My second favorite hobby, no gangster things people like.

GP (A): So without further ado, I don't have an opening line. I have an opening bit. We'll say it that way. And this is, I think, kind of explaining the logic of what this episode is going to be. So let me paint you a picture with my imagination brush. Okay. The process I'll wait. The process begins when a video game developer says, wait a minute, I have a thought. I'm going to have a thought. Yes, it's gone. The process of original thought stalls. And secondhand, creativity is the order of the day. Let's just loosely adapt a popular movie into a video game, says one of the drone workers. I love it, says the suits. One voice speaks up from the darkened into the room. If we do that, you got to ask yourself one question do I feel lucky? Chill out, dickwad. We'll make money off of this. The process is rushed at best, and the day comes to present the new trash to the old money. This is garbage. A trash heaps the size of the moon. But it'll sell. That's no moon. You should give him his dignity. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, says the one voice from the darkened in the room. Yeah, it sucks, but we spent too much money to abandon it. When can we release? How about Friday the 13th? Wasn't that bad luck? Look, Friday the 13th is better than Monday the whatever. So the day comes and it's available to the masses. The reviews suck, but your allowance has to go somewhere. You close your eyes, praying so hard that the game will be at least a little bit fun. I'll be as good as you want me to be. Forever. God, just please don't let this suck. You hear the voice of God respond. Just wear the most excellent promise you can make. You go home, you open the box, the cartridge stares at you as if to say, I'm not really bad. I'm just drawn that way. Every evening I died, and every evening I was born again. Resurrected. You play and you play and you lose life after life. And that was my childhood. This game was as terrible as the developers knew it would be. A house of condiments and nothing more. The game was so bad, it ruined lives, ended marriages for the world. It was released on a Friday, but to me, it was a Tuesday. But that was life. And life finds a way decades later. We no longer have cartridges. We have subscription services. Multi pass. I met you guys. The podcast was if a hand reaching out to me saying, come with me if you want to live. Guys, we're going to need a bigger podcast. Jake, I am your father. Today on actually holy fucking okay. But well, in a good way, right?

Sins (D): Oh, fucking epic. Don't talk over the intro.

Jake (B): Over the extended intro.

GP (A): It's extended the extended intro. That's all the time we have today.

Sins (D): Yeah.

GP (A): Welcome back into Press be to cancel. So if you pick up on what we were talking about today, video games that were poorly translated no, let me re hit that. Movies poorly translated into video games. And in continuing with the spirit of March Radnus, we are doing this bracket stylize. And I'm over the moon excited. But before we get into that, I want to go through today's deus. We've got the full crew here today. Let's start off with Mr. Werewolf. Say hello. How are you doing today?

Wulff (E): I'm doing all right. I'm doing all right. It's going to be a lot worse from here, I'll tell you that.

GP (A): I love the optimism is what I like. This is all uphill. It's going to be great. My man. Chardmuck. How are you, sir? Welcome in.

Chard (C): Now, that's one big pile of shit.

GP (A): Oh, man. I love it. I love it. Sinister. Welcome in. How are you, sir?

Sins (D): I'm doing well. And I have one question for you.

GP (A): Okay.

Sins (D): Have you seen this boy?

GP (A): Why is Wayne's World not on our list anyway? And then, of course, sick Jake. How are you, my friend?

Jake (B): I'm doing good. I'm looking to an episode full of us agreeing and coming together in harmony and peaceful debate.

GP (A): I don't see that happening at all. But it is so good to have you. And I want you all to know there are no other groups of four people I would rather argue this with than you all. So let's jump right into it. These bracket episodes tend to go long, and I don't think this will be the exception, because if there's one thing we all enjoy doing, it is bashing the things I do want to point out a couple of things for anybody who's going to be upset that the list is not longer. We could do this all day. We're very Captain America that way. When we started the list of, hey, what should be on here? It was tough. Something to remember. There's more games out there than what's on this list. That just suck. But today we are voting for the shittiest adaptation of a movie into a video game. When you hear me vote for the worst possible thing, just please remember I'm.

Sins (D): Supposed to real quick.

GP (A): Yeah.

Sins (D): If you think we didn't put a movie to video game adaptation on the list that we should have put in the comments or come to our discord and blast the fuck out of us.

GP (A): Yes. Let us know where we messed up so that we can discuss it.

Jake (B): Seriously every week.

Chard (C): Also, I need to point out that not only did GP go with Wayne's World after have you seen this boy? That's where my fucking head went to. And I think I have a problem up top.

GP (A): Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so let's jump right in the first bracket as determined by a random, I guess, program. Is that right?

Jake (B): Completely random.

GP (A): I came from the Super Nintendo called Superstar Wars. I believe sinister. That was one of your entries. Why don't you start us off by talking about Superstar Wars courage?

Sins (D): It was not my entry, but I'm happy to talk about it because I played it today and I made it through the first level. And I question how this is a Star Wars game simply for the fact that well, okay, no, that's not true. I don't question how this is a Star Wars game. I question how this is actually tied to A New Hope, because you are Luke Skywalker at the beginning, running through the desert like he was doing, obviously, in A New Hope tattooing run.

GP (A): Thank you.

Sins (D): Running into scorpions that shoot things from their tails.

Chard (C): Listen, we don't know much about the flora and fauna of Tatooines. Let's not.

Wulff (E): I'm sure we all remember the beginning of the movie, how he just forced his way into the jawa.

Chard (C): I specifically recall the scene of him absolutely annihilating this jaw sandroller.

Wulff (E): Right.

Sins (D): Hold on, folks. Because we took care of Return of the Jedi at the beginning of this game because you fight the Sarlac in the Sarlac pit as the first boss.

Chard (C): This was him coming home to his aunt and uncle before everybody, before they showed up. We didn't know what he was doing beforehand. He wasn't in his room fucking watching hollow grams and doing unquestionable things to himself. No, he was running around in sand, biting the local Sarlac pit and having a run in with the jaws.

GP (A): Off the hip straight in his face. I have to point this out because this is my favorite thing about the game. When you shoot a bad guy, they don't explode. They don't fall over. They go flying off the side of the thing. And it is the greatest thing in this video.

Chard (C): We all know gravity on Tatooine is much weaker than it is in most atmospheres.

Sins (D): But I will say this. I was waiting for when I had to negotiate with the Jawas for Droids, and it never happened.

GP (A): You negotiate with your blaster. Yeah, I'm sorry. Off. That's what it is.

Wulff (E): And they do.

GP (A): You shoot them in their face, and they fuck right off.

Jake (B): Oh, boy.

Chard (C): Got a handful of cold fusion with your name on it. You're lucky jawa.

GP (A): Guys. Somebody get that scorpion.

Jake (B): This is on the list.

Sins (D): This is Jake's game, but I played it today, so I figured I could talk about it.

Jake (B): So there's three of these games, one for each of the movies, and the reason why I want this one to be there the first one, and I know it's kind of from the movies, but it's a Star Wars game, and you don't have a lightsaber for I feel like a good chunk of this game. It's Blasters only there's multiple characters. There's Han Solo and Chewbacca, but you're mostly Luke, and it's Blaster for most of this game.

Sins (D): I feel like, well, Blasters was seeking missiles at certain points, obviously, in the movie.

Chard (C): Yeah, you know what?

Wulff (E): I can kind of forgive that, because in one of them I don't remember which one I think it is the third one. Maybe it's the second one. I don't know. But he talks about how he used to shoot whomp rats for, like, target practice. Right?

Sins (D): Oh, I think I shooting.

Chard (C): They're only 2 meters.

Jake (B): Seeking missiles.

Sins (D): I think I shot wamp rats in.

Wulff (E): The first level, so I can allow the fact that it's just like Blaster for the most of the part of the game, even though his health bar is a lightsaber, which is weird.

Sins (D): I think that this video game has proven that Luke shot first.

Jake (B): He wasn't even asked, but they were answering it anyway.

GP (A): Yeah, you just so many legions of Star Wars fans by saying, card shot first. He wasn't even into. Also, is this really what's going on in the Jawa vehicles?

Sins (D): Yes.

Chard (C): I was going to say the Jawa security system is extremely well designed, I have to admit.

Jake (B): It's a death trap.

Wulff (E): Well, yes and no. I mean, if one kid who's just a farmer can bust in, it's not that well designed.

GP (A): I'm just saying it just seems intense considering they probably don't have orders every day.

Chard (C): Okay. Not all of us have that ability.

Wulff (E): He doesn't know that he's got the Force. He's just bringing four because he just.

Chard (C): Doesn'T know what it is yet. I've got a mole on my neck. It could be mo. I don't know.

Wulff (E): Effectively turned Luke into a hoodlum.

Sins (D): Yes.

GP (A): Good contra. Did it better.

Chard (C): He's a Manchester United fan, too.

GP (A): All right, so I guess we're just coming after everybody today. Luke shot first, which is nobody knew about.

Sins (D): What is this game against?

Chard (C): Health Sword.

GP (A): Yeah.

Sins (D): Health sword? Yes.

GP (A): You can.

Wulff (E): By cutting them, it extended the lightsaber that he doesn't have.

GP (A): Yeah, right. It's a metaphoric. Lightsaber. Okay, here's a question. Which was the worst video game adaptation of a movie? This or jaws. Jawas.

Wulff (E): What the hell?

GP (A): You don't remember this part of the.

Chard (C): Okay, this is one of the leads joinTo you don't know.

Jake (B): Joinko come on. Now.

Sins (D): It'S an amalgamation of Jawas smashed together and then pushed into the log.

Chard (C): No, I thought that was Java's. Like Cousin.

GP (A): No, it's in the extras. Okay. Does R Two know how to do platforming?

Sins (D): No, we learned that in the prequels that he has jump jets.

Jake (B): Yeah, he has jump jets. He's a mess.

GP (A): Yeah, I'm just saying, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense looking this thing up.

Wulff (E): I have just learned of Wikipedia. I just want to throw that out there.

Jake (B): I love Wikipedia up there with alpha memory. It's good.

Sins (D): Okay.

Chard (C): Why does Jaw looks like he man on top of that? Sorry, keep going.

Jake (B): Jaws was GP. That was yours, right?

GP (A): Yeah. Okay.

Wulff (E): Explain jaw. Jaws was based on loosely based off.

GP (A): Of a great movie called Jaws for the Revenge.

Wulff (E): This time it's loosely that's the first one where Jaws roars. Right?

Jake (B): You know the scene in Jaws where you're bombing jellyfish from an airplane?

Chard (C): Yeah, absolutely.

GP (A): What are we going to do? We need points. Let's just got that. Okay, this one, I'm glad is on the list because it's LJN, and people famously hate Lgn, and for kind of good reason. But actually, this is a guilty pleasure of mine. I do love this game. I grew up being afraid of it because it was difficult. My brother couldn't beat it, and if my brother couldn't beat it, I wasn't going to try it. Plus, it was about a giant fucking shark. Checked off all the boxes of things that I was afraid of. I had a discussion with my wife last night about it, whether or not I should really attack this game, because, again, it's got a sentimental spot right here in my ticker. But she's like, the game is short. You can beat it in no time. And there's really no development of anything. And she's not wrong. It's LJN, but it's on the top tier level for LJN, if that makes sense.

Jake (B): The low bar is low.

Sins (D): As a movie tie in.

GP (A): As a movie tie in. You remember there were no scenes. It was just going from one port to another port that was still pretty close and then going back, trying to get a radio and collecting conch shells.

Sins (D): I feel like this was reskin.

Chard (C): Are you doing the ocean?

Sins (D): Somebody was like, hey, we have this underwater game. Let's reskin it and call it Jaws.

Jake (B): No.

Wulff (E): Yeah. I feel like this was a rush job of a licensed game and, you.

GP (A): Know, how I know it's not a good one. It doesn't have Mario Van Peebles. If they really cared about people liking it from the movie, give me Mario Van Peeble and Michael Kane.

Wulff (E): Michael K. This is a game I had as a kid, and this is a game that I repeatedly would go back to play. Like Josh crap out of me three.

Chard (C): Times the size of the freaking boat on the map. Just FYI.

GP (A): I can hear this music, though.

Wulff (E): Yeah. This is a game that I always found kind of fun, even though it's frustrating as hell. Right. I would repeatedly go back to it sometimes with Game Genie, sometimes without, but I would always try Genie. Right. It drew me back in constantly, and I had fun with it when I'd first pop it in, at least for a little while, until things started really going downhill for that particular run. And then I'd be pissed at it and be done with it for a couple of weeks and then pop it back in again. It's a game that constantly drew you back even when it frustrated you. It's inexplicably fun because it's all frustration. Right.

GP (A): It should not be as good as it is, by all accounts. Yeah.

Jake (B): The gameplay loop of the scuba diving and collecting shells and shooting fish and manta rays. Is that from the movie? I don't know. Maybe not. But it is fun. It's like a schmup. It's a schmup with the exploring on the overworld. I think this game is actually a lot of fun.

GP (A): And you don't get a lightsaber for most of it.

Sins (D): Yeah. You don't get the lightsaber on the end of your piercing bow of your ship.

GP (A): Let's talk about that. To beat the game, after you've taken down and depleted Jaws's power bar, there at the bottom of the screen, your first person view on was that the stern or the bow of the boat waiting for the shark to come so you can ignite an electric pulse to make him jump out of the water. And then somehow you boost the speed of the front end of your boat and spear him with it. And then he falls to the bottom, and then a seaplane flies off into the sun. It says the end, and you've wasted 20 years of your life. Yeah. There we are.

Chard (C): I've never seen a boat move that side to side like that.

Sins (D): Yes. Really?

Jake (B): This defined the first person shooting genre.

Sins (D): Really?

Wulff (E): First person stabbing?

GP (A): Yeah. You ever stabbed.

Sins (D): Oh, there it is.

Wulff (E): Yeah. You never on a boat when it's going completely sideways like this?

Sins (D): No. Well, I've especially not been on one.

Chard (C): That has, like, just go into hyperspace. Why did it do the little fucking star? Is this tie in with Star Wars?

Sins (D): It's doing the Kessel Run in seven parsecs.

GP (A): Nice. So here's the thing. If only Jaws Four had been Jaws a video game, it would have gotten better reviews. This might be the only entry on the list where the game itself horribly adapted from the movie. But if only if only the movie had been so good. So I don't know. What do we think? Which is the worst of the movie game adaptations? Jaws at least has a shark and a boat. Star wars has shoot in the face.

Sins (D): I'm going with Star Wars because the only thing that really applies is Luke Skywalker and a blaster. Everything else in this game has nothing to do with the movie.

Wulff (E): Yeah, like the cantina fight. Really? There was like somebody got decked, and then they run. It's not you come into the cantina, guns blazing, like it's the old west.

Sins (D): I don't know how you the jawa fortress that you have to move your way through to apparently get androids.

Jake (B): Uncle Jawinko. What's wrong with Uncle Jonko?

Chard (C): Uncle Joeyko is kicking into there. He's trying to watch the prices. Right? And Luke, did anybody else have joinko.

Wulff (E): Jeans back in the early 2000s?

Chard (C): Joey?

Sins (D): So my worst of these two is star wars, the video game.

GP (A): Okay, so that one for star wars.

Sins (D): Super star wars.

GP (A): Superstar wars. Jake, what say you? Jake?

Jake (B): Yeah, I'm with you. I like Jaws. I think Jos is a fun one. Lgn makes a lot of trash. And I know that this is not a great game, and it's very simple. If I bought this as a kid, would I have liked it? No, but when you were in the world of emulators and you can play every game for ten minutes and not feel bad, yeah, it's good. I think John's great. So superstar wars, with the difficulty spike in it, it's soberly, hard, and complete nonsense all the way through the game with the giant Sandwalker, the Sarlac pit. It's so off the rails. And I know they're trying to expand things from the movies, but I just feel like as a movie tie in, it's not that great. So superstar wars is the worst of the two.

GP (A): Okay, wolf, what do you say?

Wulff (E): I feel like Jaws strays a lot less from the source material than superstar wars does. So I got to say, superstar wars gets my vote. It's the worst of the two.

GP (A): All right, well, I've been saying this a lot lately, but chart, you and I can say whatever the hell we want. Who's your vote?

Chard (C): I think Jaws garbage. I think it's awful. I think jaws. I'd surprised. I'm shocked. That game looks and plays terribly. I remember it playing it as a kid being like, what the hell am I even doing? And the boat goes side to side again. Listen, I need you to do the.

GP (A): Cheebos for the story.

Chard (C): Luke has a story we are unfamiliar with at this point in time. He could be a marauder of jawas and just playing dumb and playing innocent. He might have gone into most Eisley's cantina and just completely annihilated everybody in there. Last week, and that's why they're pissed at him.

Wulff (E): Do me a favor for a second. Do me a favor. Imagine you play Jaws and then you watch Jaws four. How disappointed are you? Now imagine you've never seen the Star Wars movie A New Hope, and you play super Star Wars, and then you watch the movie it's based on. How disappointed are you that Luke isn't killing everything and everybody?

Sins (D): And where are the fucking scorpions?

GP (A): Yeah, nobody gets in the space.

Wulff (E): You know why?

Chard (C): There are no scorpions.

Wulff (E): How many Jaws survived that first movie?

Chard (C): Roll it around.

GP (A): I love passion. I want everybody to know.

Chard (C): Look, I don't know why we're able to have this discussion.

GP (A): If Werewolf is raising his voice level, it means something. Yes, there's a P in something. Okay? Something. If Chard is speaking loudly, it means.

Chard (C): I need water because everybody else is louder than me. And I'm trying to get over that. If you can't agree, be louder.

GP (A): I feel like Luke from Superstar Wars, the video game, was probably the inspiration for Ray from the sequel trilogy in that he's just inexplicably Opie and just able to kill anything with little to no effort. So I'm going to go with Star Wars as well. And so Star Wars moves on to the next bracket. Okay, very good. So second bracket. Actually, both of these are going to be ones that chart had brought up. So we're going to start with you on both of these chart. The NES Friday the 13th.

Chard (C): Oh, God.

GP (A): Tell us, why does this game suck as a movie adaptation?

Chard (C): I don't understand how the movie and the game even marry you to one another. You're a child. You're a child. A camp counselor at Camp fucking Crystal Lake running around in a goddamn circle. Are there wolves in the original? I don't remember. Friday the 13th. Were there wolves out in the middle of the damn woods just completely ruining your life?

GP (A): Who was the bad guy from the first Friday the 13th movie? Do you guys remember?

Sins (D): It was actually sorry, hang on. It was mom.

Chard (C): Yeah, it was mom. The game's adaptation of the movie is absolutely asinine. And let me tell you about the fucking music. Holy God. Hey, Jim, we need a song for this, man. I only wrote, like, 13 minutes for this thing. That's fine. Just loop it. When a kid's in trouble. When a kid's in trouble, just make it sound like a car horn and make it happen the entire time. Also, let Jason just get beat up by rocks. That's fine. Chase Jason off with rocks, and then we're going to have zombies. Where are zombies in this fucking movie?

Sins (D): I thought they were wolf men.

Chard (C): I know what the hell they are.

Jake (B): They were not in the movie.

GP (A): Yeah.

Chard (C): Yes. Well, I mean, they could be disgruntled Vietnam veterans that are still in their gilly suits that are popping up out of nowhere. I don't know that would make more sense than what the hell is happening in this game right now.

GP (A): Let's assume these kids that you're playing as are five foot tall. Okay? We'll just say that maybe they're short. Whatever. How are they jumping 15 foot in the air? I don't know, 6 meters in the air?

Chard (C): And why?

GP (A): Ridiculous.

Jake (B): And why you give kids s'mores?

Chard (C): Each counselor that you play as have a different stat, but they all look the same, so I don't remember who I'm playing. I'm playing his white shorts guy, Mark. Get fucked, Mark.

GP (A): Whatever.

Chard (C): He does the same. Anybody here? Freaking battle axe. When did that come in? None of this makes any goddamn sense.

Sins (D): No.

GP (A): Here's what I want. Shard, I want you to 200% this. I need the chivos, please.

Chard (C): No.

GP (A): Please.

Chard (C): I tried to do this on a randomizer in a charity event and it was awful.

GP (A): Everybody in discord, go ahead and sign off if you want charred to get the chivos on this, please. That would be great.

Chard (C): Not happening.

Jake (B): Dragons layer or Friday 13th chivo setbuilding right.

Chard (C): For complete edition achievements. How's that sound? Because that's what we're doing.

GP (A): Nobody wants to self promote until the end of the episode. Clearly. Okay, thank you. I'll mess with you. Okay. Says the game makes no sense when compared to the movie. And even if it wasn't based on the movie, still a shit game. Yes.

Chard (C): Are those yetis, like, what is appearing in the woods?

Jake (B): I think I saw bigfoot.

Chard (C): That seems like a bigger to me. Not only is there a murderer, an undead murder running around, but there's cryptids in the goddamn forest on top of that. Seems like a big deal. I don't know.

Sins (D): What were you going to say?

GP (A): No sinister. Have you played this?

Sins (D): Have you watched a number of people play it, though?

GP (A): Say what?

Sins (D): I have not, but I've watched a number of people play this.

GP (A): What are your thoughts? What's your take on this?

Sins (D): My thoughts are I'm in complete agreement with Chard, honestly. Because really, it is running in a circle, going into cabins, finding random shit or nothing may or may not help or nothing. Notes that tell you, oh, it's in the woods. You go into the woods and I don't know what I'm looking for, but it's there.

Chard (C): What's in the woods? Candy, sex, a dead body. Why am I going into the dead woods?

Sins (D): All of those will be better than this game, including the dead body.

GP (A): Wow. Okay.

Sins (D): You finally get Jason, not his mom. You get Jason and you have, like, an asteroid contest.

Chard (C): He runs away three times.

GP (A): He's an undead zombie. He's not an idiot. Wolf, what do you think about this game? What's your take?

Wulff (E): I hate this game. It's absolute trash.

Chard (C): Thank you, Wolf.

GP (A): I love it.

Wulff (E): And somehow I put it in more times than Jason revived himself. I had this game growing up. I wish I did.

GP (A): Yeah, right. Because when you're a kid and you're not allowed to see the movie, but you own the game. You feel like you're getting away with something.

Wulff (E): No, but you're not. The movies my parents were not overprotective.

GP (A): But I'm still not allowed to watch it.

Wulff (E): I wasn't super into horror movies. Aside from, like, aliens. Right. I love the Alien franchise. I didn't watch a bunch of I knew Freddie Krueger. I had seen a couple of those. I knew Jason. I had seen a couple of those, but I didn't know them well. But you know who Jason is, right? Like, you're seven years old. You know who Jason is, especially. This game is such trash. And it was like, you know what? Jason needs more Castlevania and NASCAR.

GP (A): I feel like they made this game.

Wulff (E): It's all that's what this game is, a loop of lifters.

GP (A): This game was made and put out just so Castlevania Two would look better by comparison.

Sins (D): I think you're right.

GP (A): Yeah.

Chard (C): You're not right.

GP (A): Okay, go ahead.

Chard (C): Even the programming on the change and pass and all that stuff, change is not even centered. Somebody just threw it the fuck up there, and it's, like, drifting into the boundary of the box that they put it in. This game is so just and why do the children's faces look angry that you're trying to save above? Are those your lives? I don't even know that character you're.

Wulff (E): Playing as.

Sins (D): Why does Mark's face look like he's a demon? Why does his face look like he's a demon?

Chard (C): Not everybody problems, and Jason is not one of them.

Wulff (E): This is great. We're being murdered.

Jake (B): Okay, look. So there's a Friday 13th game that came out a couple of years ago. It's kind of like, was it dead by daylight? Clone or whatever?

Chard (C): Yeah.

Jake (B): So one of the skins you're going to lock for Jason is the purple jumpsuit, the blue mask callback to the NES game. This game had an impact on this franchise.

GP (A): 40 years later, they gave him a skin. I don't know.

Sins (D): Yes.

Jake (B): Okay, now, that also in our last week's episode. We talked about Ninja games and how we all liked the games that made.

GP (A): You that was seven days ago.

Jake (B): Yes, exactly.

Chard (C): At least.

Jake (B): But games have made you feel like a badass. Do you not feel like a badass when you're on a campground jumping 20ft in the air, hurlaxes constantly feel like.

Wulff (E): A whim because everything is decimating you for hours out of your week? You are garbage.

Jake (B): GP.

GP (A): Yeah.

Jake (B): Okay.

Chard (C): Is this a good game?

Jake (B): No.

Chard (C): But is it worse than the game?

Jake (B): It's up against.

GP (A): The next one. The one thing I do want to say about this game that I enjoy is that you don't know when you're going to encounter Jason. And in that way, it reminds me of trying to find the Technodrome from Ninja Turtles. When you go through a door, you turn a corner, and there it is. You're like, Oh. Thank God.

Wulff (E): Okay, everybody's favorite part of the Ninja Turtles game.

GP (A): Yeah. Right? So Friday the 13th or Jurassic Park on the NES. On the NES? Yes. Okay, I'll start this one off. No, Chart will start this one off because it's his game. But then I'll go after him. I've got a very brief thing to say.

Chard (C): You go ahead.

GP (A): I think this game, Jurassic Park for the NES is a better game than Friday the 13th by virtue of the other ports, were not as bad. So at least it had some good version of it out there. Or comparatively good. I think Jurassic Park is better than Friday the 13th for the NES. That's all.

Jake (B): No, that's a cop out. We're not talking about other ports of this game, which are different. We're talking about this game, Jurassic Park, NES. Is this game trash or not?

GP (A): DNA? So I'll take this one. Thank you.

Chard (C): We need to clarify something here, too. BTW, the reason this game was selected by me was because you specifically requested that I relate the movie to the game as an adaptation.

GP (A): Yes.

Chard (C): When the hell does Alan Grant carry a freaking bazooka at any point in the game that was going to be deleted? Scenes walk into one of the many facilities and find question mark boxes on them that have fucking bobs in them for some god awful reason. That hurt you. When did that happen? When did he get fucking eaten by a Tyrannosaurus rex in a boss fight? I don't remember. A Triceratop stampede being the biggest pain in my ass in the entire goddamn game. No. Lo and behold, this man is armed to the teeth more than fucking Rambo, and he's running around here shooting copies because he doesn't I don't remember copies being in the movie. They were in the book. I'll say that. But they weren't in the movie.

Sins (D): They were in the movie. Yeah. No, they were in the first one.

Chard (C): Where were they in the first one?

Sins (D): They were there for a moment.

Chard (C): Not existent. That's where they were. They were in the movie. The little lizard guys. They were not in the movie. They were in the book. They weren't.

GP (A): Do they have the BARBASOL can? That's what I want to know. Is Newman with the barbecue can anywhere in this?

Jake (B): No.

GP (A): Does anybody say, hold on to your butts?

Sins (D): No. I was going to basically say what Chard said, which was, as a movie adaptation, this is like you start with.

Chard (C): A bazooka, it looks like a trash can. A it looks like a child picked up a PVC pipe that was broken on the road and was like, hey, it's my bazooka. And then they went with it.

Sins (D): And then I don't remember in the movie, when they were looking for ammo. When they were running around looking for ammo.

GP (A): They got the bad guy. Correct. Friday the 13th had the wrong damn bad guy.

Sins (D): That's true.

Wulff (E): There were only six dinosaurs in the original Jurassic Park movie. Six different species of dinosaurs, and the little ones were not one of them. So there you go, Charlie.

Sins (D): All right.

Wulff (E): Also, you know what? This game did not have enough Jeff Goldblum. Damn it.

Sins (D): No.

GP (A): Nothing has enough. Jeff.

Chard (C): Where is the part of the movie where they're getting chased by little volcanoes? Where's the lava field in Jurassic Park?

Jake (B): When do they go to Mars? In Jurassic Park.

Chard (C): This is kind of you guys asked me why I selected this game. I even got the inquisitive. Jake, why did you pick this chart? You sound like Jerry Seinfeld. Why is it that we pick this game for our podcast?

Wulff (E): Can I start this off human, please?

GP (A): Yeah.

Wulff (E): So let's start the voting here. Jurassic Park, I don't think, is as bad a game as Friday the 13th, but I think it is a far worse representation of its movie than Friday the 13th. And so I vote Jurassic Park being the worst of the two here. We're talking about their adaptation.

Sins (D): I am going to concur, because at least I know they got the bad guy wrong in Friday the 13th, but at least there's a crystal lake, and there are camp counselors, like there is.

Wulff (E): There'S a crystal lake, and Jason is scary as hell.

Sins (D): Well, his mom in the first one.

Wulff (E): But that's fine with giant piles of dino poo. Once the game came out, we were seven movies deep, so Jason was established. All right.

Sins (D): Okay. Yeah, I'm with you. There is no scene that I have seen in scene that I've seen in Jurassic Park, the video game that was.

Chard (C): In the movie, except for your dino DNA.

GP (A): Those are good things. Those are good things. I think I might be switching up to Jurassic Park on this one. Yeah. So is that three of us so far for Jurassic Park?

Chard (C): Jake, what are you again, jason could be wait, who say who? Jake, do you want me to go last?

GP (A): I'll go.

Jake (B): Yeah, I'll go real quick. So when you mentioned Jurassic Park for the NES chart, the reason why I question it is because I thought it was universally accepted that the SNES game was the worst of all of them. And that was boring because that's a game where you don't have bazooka in that game, but it's the same egg hunt. It did have some neat first person sequences, but there's no guns in that one, from what I remember. Literally, there's, like, a hide and seek of eggs. So that's why I thought that was worse. But watching this and the volcanoes, the lava fields, the giant bazooka shooting cannonballs that are like mushroom clouding enemies, this does not feel anything like a Jurassic Park game should be. And my vote would also be that this is the worst of the two. I think Friday 13th is good. No, none of these games are good, but I agree it's more fitting of the movie. And it had a legacy, an impact in a later game. Nobody's going to remember Jurassic Park at the NES. I think it's the worst of the two.

Wulff (E): In defense of the Jurassic Park game, even though I already voted, it's the worst of the two. The Super Nintendo game. I have a buddy who absolutely loves a Super Nintendo game. And to be fair, it's got some really good music and some really cool design elements in it. I don't think it's a terrible game by any means. It's just not representative of the film.

GP (A): Got you. And that makes sense. It's a hard thing to remember. Like, we're not voting. Which game sucks more? It's which one's the worst adaptation? What do you got?

Chard (C): If we were going on games that were terrible and which of these two I would rather play, I would pick Jurassic Park as the one I would rather play versus Friday the 13th.

Sins (D): Right.

Chard (C): But we are specifically on the vein of adaptation. So jurassic park.

Jake (B): Fuck that game.

Chard (C): Absolutely not. There's no representation. I think it's a clean sweep through all of us that Jurassic Park is going to move its way up to in the brackets as worst movie adaptation of this particular fight.

GP (A): Okay, very good. Well, then let's move on to the next bracket, shall we? Okay, fight Club for the PlayStation Two. Would you start us off on this one? Talk to us about Fight Club.

Wulff (E): Sure. Okay. So this is a game. Let me preface this with I love the Fight Club movie. The reason I love it has changed over the years. But I absolutely love the movie. It's still one of my all time favorites. I have the soundtrack. I pop that into my CD player sometimes. Listen to that. I've read the book multiple times. And the game came out for PS Two back in the day. And I was like, I don't know, because all the reviews and previews of it in the magazines were like, it's a fighting game. But I was like, Fight Club is not a fighting movie. One of my buddies thinking, man's, action film. Right? Because it's barely an action film at that.

Sins (D): It includes such action as hitting golf.

Chard (C): Balls off of the roof, peeing into.

Wulff (E): It'S almost a Kevin Smith movie with how heavy it is on the dialogue over anything else. Right?

GP (A): Okay.

Wulff (E): Nightclub. The game was like, you know what? Let's take nothing about the movie except a handful of characters that you see beating the crap out of each other in the bar's basement and make an entire game out of those fight scenes, those handful of fight scenes in the game. And then we got this guy right here for PS Two. Well, it was also on Xbox and the entire game. It's this weird story about how you're this dude who's looking for Tyler Durden, but everybody's like, how'd you find out about Fight Club? You aren't supposed to talk about Fight Club. He's like, I don't care. I'm looking for Tyler Durden. And he's just getting his butt kicked the whole time. Right. It's so stupid.

Sins (D): As you fight in front of Paper Street House, just like in the movie.

Wulff (E): Yeah, exactly. A lot of fight on the house. Some of the locations I can forgive. Like fighting outside of the bar.

Chard (C): Sure.

Wulff (E): That happens in the movie. Parking lots at the airport. Sure. I can see that being used as a location for Fight Club in various cities.

Sins (D): The port on a container ship.

Wulff (E): But never in Paper Street soap Company's garden do they fight? That does not happen.

GP (A): Okay.

Wulff (E): This game is just goofy. And then it's got like Genesis SNES era cutsceeds, right? You're seeing them on screen right here where it's all stills, but then there's voice acting over it and sound effects to stills. So you hear people beating the crap out of somebody, but you don't see it. You see like a snippet in time from it. It's dumb. There's Bob. You see him and he's got boob.

Chard (C): Physics, which is very honestly, my brain goes to that. Bob was the first character to design and they worked really hard on him and it took too long. So they just slapped everybody else together.

Wulff (E): I want to defend this game. Now that I've crapped all over this game, let me defend it just a little bit. The actual fighting game mechanics of this game are not terrible. And it brings some neat ideas to the table where your characters are actually getting beat up through it. And that's not something I remember seeing a whole lot of, especially in that time. You see it now, but even still, it's not a super common thing. Right? Right. And sometimes if you go for a rematch, your characters are still beat up from their last fight, which is pretty cool. Not just yours, but the person you were just fighting. So they keep that, which is neat.

GP (A): Okay, real quick, though, and I'm going to make my bit short because these episodes go long. But yeah, the reason this one for me might went out from the entire day, and here's why. Chuck Palinick, the author of Five Love and the movie is brilliant. Also. It's a nihilistic take on the toxic effects of consumerism. Right?

Wulff (E): Yeah.

GP (A): And so the fact that they made this game, all of the good it flies in the face of what the movie is about.

Wulff (E): Exactly. Those were my words earlier.

GP (A): Yeah, but no, that's what I'm saying. This has to be the worst adaptation by virtue of that alone. It is like saying you remember those Bible games they used to make for like, the NES? If you had one of those, but it was really just like pro Satan, that would be the right. That would be a horrible adaptation. So that's my bit on this. I don't care if the fighting mechanics were fucking brilliant. This is undoing the point of the movie in the book. So that's me.

Jake (B): Also, if they had taken this story, the plot points of the movie and interspersed them with battles between it, I could have come around on this game maybe a bit more. But the fact that the story has nothing to do with the movie, really. It's just the characters.

GP (A): Yeah.

Jake (B): And the fact that it's told not in cutscenes, but static images. Like you said, this is a Genesis game. It's pretty freaking sad.

Wulff (E): I think I could have forgiven this game if it were based on Project Mayhem and that mission and then interspersed it with Fight Club moments. Right. But then it wouldn't have been Fight Club. Right. It would have been Project Mayhem. And then they would have been like, well, we can't sell this as Fight Club.

Sins (D): I mean, they could have done Fight Club, like, colon Project Mayhem, right? Yeah.

Wulff (E): But this game definitely needed a little bit more of the film's actual intent in it, and it completely missed it.

GP (A): Okay.

Chard (C): There's a thing that I can mildly appreciate as I agree with everybody's comment. How this completely undid the whole point of the fucking movie, which is what I think is ironic and I thought it was funny, is at least.

Wulff (E): That.

Chard (C): Era of PlayStation Two and Xbox 360 when they released movie games like this, it always seemed like that they may have a main character or something, but it was around what was going on. Let's take the Matrix game that was released during that time as well, right. It was based on the movie. You weren't but it was its own thing, right? It was its own kind of thing. But you're not Tyler Durden or the narrator in this. You are a guy that's trying to find him. This game completely does not even have any reason existing. And if they could have just changed the title to, like you said, either the Project Mayhem thing or Man Fights Dude With Tits, I don't know, whatever they want to call it, at least they could make the spin off of this is, like, based off of Fight Club. The fighting things of Fight Club or whatever. Make it blood sport. Just call it fucking blood sport.

Sins (D): I think I'm agreeing with you that Matrix, when it came out, the video game, they also introduced the entire little short story. Matrix Video made it so that you're like, oh, we have this entire universe. Right? And so the video game is in this universe. Okay. I agree with every point. I have a couple of additional points that are huge strikes against this game, and one of them is, why do they have bone breaking cutscenes? Because that happened in the movie, right.

Jake (B): Revolutionary.

Sins (D): They showed the X ray, and they showed somebody smashing an arm. Anyway, and then the other one, and I think this one buries this game forever. And this might put it in. I might predict that this makes number one of the bad. Fred Durst is an unlockable character yeah.

Wulff (E): Hanging out on their front porch for three days, right?

Chard (C): Yeah, of course he was. He was totally in the movie.

Jake (B): Did he do the soundtrack for the movie at all?

Chard (C): Was the soundtrack of the game?

GP (A): Was skater said no.

Chard (C): The Dust Brothers, wasn't it?

Sins (D): It was the Dust Brothers.

Chard (C): It was the Dust Brothers did the whole soundtrack.

Wulff (E): And the Dust Brothers get, like, three tracks in the game. And then another guy, Scott Clawson, does the rest of the soundtrack, except for the opening demo movie that introduces you.

Chard (C): I don't know what it's called.

Wulff (E): It literally opens up with a Limp Biscuit song after the if this is your first night, you have to fight and then fight, and it's Limp Biscuit. Is this limp biscuit? And then you hear Fred Durst little whiny singing at a point. We're like, oh, yeah, it's definitely limp biscuit.

GP (A): That's the sound. That was accurate.

Jake (B): That was bang on.

GP (A): Yeah, we all agree this is a flaming pile of shit.

Sins (D): Yeah.

GP (A): Let's move on. I think this one's actually a fun game. I'm not going to say anything other than that this is when it charged Dick Tracy. I like, yeah.

Chard (C): Dick Tracy had a huge difficulty spike. It was quite difficult to get past. You had to put Fight Club against it. Fight Club has completely drained me of, like, anything.

Jake (B): Dick Tracy.

GP (A): What do you even do? You drive around, you interrogate, you solve little puzzles, and the game can be played multiple different ways.

Sins (D): I just watched Spin off the board.

GP (A): Yeah, you can pick up a superfist, superfisted that guy.

Jake (B): Like, when I played this game as a kid, I got more lost in Dick Tracy than I did in Roger Rabbit. I just didn't know what to do in this game. I just couldn't figure it out. The side scrolling stuff was okay. I just didn't know where to go. So that's why it was bad for me. I just didn't know how to play the game.

Chard (C): I guess these Grand Theft Auto, pre Grand Theft Auto, overhead map driving games like this and Roger Rabbit and all that stuff, the problem with this and again, it's not a movie problem, it's a game problem that, like Jake said, you get so freaking lost. And the fucking difficulty spike in this game is just ridiculous. But because it's against Fight Club, it's going to survive.

GP (A): Yeah.

Sins (D): Tracy, the worst carries on. This isn't going to survive.

GP (A): This is a much better this will.

Chard (C): Survive on a positive note, other than it's got the same character. I haven't seen Dick Tracy in freaking years, but I do recall it being, like, very off the cusp on it. But it's Roger Rabbit. It's essentially the same goddamn game with less tunes in it.

GP (A): Not much better than Roger Rabbit and more guns.

Chard (C): It is much better than Roger Rabbit.

Wulff (E): It's only a little argumentative, but I.

Chard (C): Remember a lot of people points hiding and staying in one spot or walking towards Dick Tracy and just let Warren Beatty, like, give him a fucking shiner in the face. But my memory fails me. I'm an old man. Yeah. Sorry. Fight Club. I'm still on the fight club, Tracy.

GP (A): Fight club to go on dick Tracy the game.

Jake (B): At least it has the characters. At least it has the theme. Is it the doctor somewhere? I don't think so, but I think it's more in the spirit of the movie than Fight Club is. Like we just discussed at length. Fight Club the game is like one scene from that goddamn movie and completely skips the whole point of that book in the movie. My vote is Fight Club is the worst of the two.

Wulff (E): Yeah.

Sins (D): Concur.

GP (A): Okay, well, then let's advance Fight Club and you'll like this, Segue. We'll start us off the next bracket. Roger Rabbit. Who framed Roger Rabbit? Okay.

Wulff (E): I love this game. I love this game. Really? Yeah. I had this game as a kid, and I loved it. It's so cool that you can go find Benny the Cab and drive him around town instead of just walking around and dodging cars, getting run over, things like that. Birds stealing Roger off the ground and flying away with him, weasels being dickheads.

GP (A): And random wind up before you punch. Yeah, there's some charges.

Wulff (E): Yeah. You wind up your punch to deck things and people and cartoons and whatever have you. It's kind of cool because you can't just walk up to a person and talk to them and then punch them and they'll still want to talk to you. They're like, Buzz off, or something like that. Right. They get mad at you, which is nice. It makes sense.

Jake (B): It's true to life.

Wulff (E): Yeah. This game throws a lot of the aspects of the movie away. It does. But at the core of it, it's still find the will, get to Toontown, stop Doom from destroying the tunes.

Sins (D): So you're saying the story, the core skeleton, aligns with the movie?

GP (A): Yes.

Jake (B): You have to get you're not wrong.

Wulff (E): Now, the difference is you're not finding the will. You're going around finding pieces of the will, pieces between the city, the countryside, and Toontown, but at the same time.

Chard (C): Going around goddamn hands out of his jacket.

GP (A): Look, but you're right. To me, I do have nostalgia with this game. I grew up thinking it was a good game and then playing it as an adult and being like, oh, this sucks so much worse than I remember.

Wulff (E): No, I'm not saying it's an amazing game. I'm saying I love it.

GP (A): Right.

Wulff (E): There's a difference.

GP (A): Yeah, sure. No, I get it. I get what you're saying. Guilty pleasure. Absolutely.

Wulff (E): Yeah.

GP (A): And for whatever reason, there's a memorable, albeit short, soundtrack to it. It does hit certain beats, like you said, from the movie. It's not great, but there are definitely worse things on this list.

Wulff (E): It also has many locations from the movie. Right. You got RK. Maroon Studios. You got Valiant location of work and residence. You've got the mountains, the nightclub.

Jake (B): Right?

Wulff (E): Yeah. You have the ink and paint. You got Toontown the Factory made it into the game.

GP (A): Oh, my God. Yeah. And you got to wait for this idiot, Roger Rabbit. He just keeps getting knocked down. I'm getting frustrated watching this. But as far as adaptations goes, again, it could be worse. Does anybody have anything else they want to weigh in with? Who? From Roger Rabbit?

Jake (B): I want to know what it's up against GP, because that's what I want to know.

Sins (D): Yeah.

GP (A): Okay. No, this is good. This game needs to have this discussion. So sit down and buckle up. Et. For the Atari 2200.

Wulff (E): Et.

GP (A): I think, is going to advance. But let's talk about et.

Sins (D): What do you want to say? Jake, what do you want to say?

Jake (B): Just that, I mean, for the longest time, et. I always thought was the urban legend. That it was so bad that they buried in a landfill. And then that was true because they dug them up. There's a whole thing where they dug them up.

Sins (D): Well, it wasn't so bad that they buried it. It was it didn't sell. Right. And and part part of that this is, I think, where the discussion is going to come in. So I had this game as a kid at nine years old. I didn't think this was a bad game. But I also, at nine years old, didn't mind baseball with its four players on the field and literally whacking them anyway. But no, the thing is, as far as a movie tie in goes, and we'll get to the other part of it, but as far as a movie tie in goes, like, you're hunting pieces of the relay, right? The communication device. And you're being chased by the man. Right.

Chard (C): The man in the yellow hat. Is he looking for George?

Sins (D): Your whole purpose is what? Et's purpose is you're trying to go home. Right. So it is the skeleton framework of the movie. Now, is it a good game? No. And part of the reason why is.

Jake (B): Because where in the movie were there holes every five fucking no.

Wulff (E): I want to contest your statement. And that's not even it not the holes. Not wandering around the forest. How much Alien do you get in this game?

Sins (D): Well, zero.

Wulff (E): You get Elliot in the game. You get Elliot after et. Leaves. After Et. Leaves is when you finally see Alien. You don't see Et. Arrives, wanders around, does all this stuff, leaves. And then you see alien. What bearing did he have on this game?

Sins (D): Now, that said.

Chard (C): Neck out to change this idol.

Sins (D): They gave the developer, like, six weeks. They're like, this movie is coming out. Get this shit out by christmas. Like, seriously, that was, like, the level mouth in them.

GP (A): Then I will say this also. Technically, this is the second canonical Star Wars game that we have.

Sins (D): That's true. But there is the piece of this that it got buried in the desert because everybody says this caused it, but it was not the cause of the fall of video games. But it was a contributor. It was a pretty good contributor. Video games had already started going downhill, and then this piece of trash came out.

Jake (B): Yeah. The attractive I 600 hit a point in its lifespan where they were just pumping out games without any thoughts about quality. It was just quantity as much as possible. But this game yeah, it didn't cause a crash. It's just a trend that led to the downfall. And it just kills me that Spielberg actually signed off on this game. He saw it.

Sins (D): From what I heard, he literally looked at it and was like and walked away.

Jake (B): Yeah, good enough. But he got a pitch for this game and the developer gave him the pitch and then got signed off on this.

GP (A): Think about where video games were back then. Do you think he knew what he was looking at?

Sins (D): Well, I also think he has the part of it in the pitch that was like, you gave us six weeks. This is what we can get you.

Wulff (E): Yeah.

Jake (B): I remember playing this as a kid, and the thing that got me is one of the holes, there's a flower, and if you raise your neck, you can grow the flower. I just kept trying to figure out what was the point of that? Did I do something? Is that progressing? What the hell am I doing in this game? I never could figure it out.

Sins (D): I don't think there's progression from that.

GP (A): At all between the two. I think this one is the worst. So my vote would be for this one to move on. But I'd be shocked if this one wins the whole thing. For example, if this one goes up against Fight Club, this at least has Et. In it. The game is uttershite, and I wish it wasn't. I'm glad that the reports of its shittiness has been at least a little bit over exaggerated, but it is still horrible.

Jake (B): I do want to say that I was also going to say Roger Rabbit would be worse. But then when Wolf explained the plot points of the game and you're not wrong, they do line up with the story. And if we're looking at game in terms of adaption of a movie, roger Rabbit is actually the better adaption than whatever the hell Et. Is.

GP (A): True.

Jake (B): Yeah. My vote would also be for Et. To move forward as the worst of the two.

Sins (D): Yeah.

GP (A): So we got two for Et. To go on. It sounds like three with Cinnastar. Four. Is it swept? Et. Moves on.

Jake (B): Looks like it.

GP (A): Okay. All right. So let's see. Next one. I love this movie. Fifth Element, PlayStation One.

Jake (B): Okay.

GP (A): And that was brought to us by Jay.

Jake (B): Yeah. Let me pull up some footage of this one while I'm talking about so this one I brought up because I bought this game. I bought this game. And you know why? It could be three reasons. One, it was $10.

GP (A): Okay?

Jake (B): Two, it advertised having cut footage in the movie in the game. Because there is scenes in the movie in the game.

Sins (D): It does.

Jake (B): And three lilu fucking that I like. Millie Jehovich. So those are my three reasons for buying this game as a horny teenager. So sue me. I bought it. And you know what? Compared to Fight Club, which is PS Two. This is PS One. PS two fight Club has static screens for the cutscenes. This actually has movie footage. And it's not that low res. It looks pretty good.

Sins (D): No, I'm the gameplay.

Jake (B): Yeah. My God, the gameplay is terrible. It's just the side hops, the roll, the Tucker roll, the gun mechanics. It's just so hard to play. And to make it worse, it's not just a shooting game. It's a fucking 3D platformer. A 3D platform on the PlayStation, which is already hard to do. Right? But this is like a notch above bubsy. And that's not saying much. Like, this game controls like ass.

Sins (D): I like that in the very beginning of the intro, it spoils the movie.

Jake (B): Oh, yeah.

Chard (C): The whole thing. I'm assuming they went, these people had to have seen the movie. They bought the game but spoils the.

Jake (B): Movie, but yet not telling you anything about what you're doing in the game at the same time, which is unique.

Wulff (E): But that opening cut scene, I watched it and I was like, okay. If I had not seen the movie, I would have no freaking clue what the hell is happening right now. It's just now, everything. They're just like, look at all these high concept ideas. You get this right? You get that right? You get these things right? No, I don't understand anything that just happened. You haven't even shown me Gary Oldman yet. What's happening?

GP (A): Or did they? And he's just so good an actor. You couldn't tell Homer Simpson, though, by the way, he has Simpsons running physics. So, as somebody who hasn't played the video game, though, how closely does this align with the movie plot?

Sins (D): Not at all.

Jake (B): It's been a while since I played it. But it's kind of the movie plot. I mean, kind of, but you mostly get the plot from the movie scenes.

Chard (C): But they're levels themselves where Lilu is literally karate chopping the fucking police.

Sins (D): Right?

Chard (C): I don't remember that part in the movie. Shouldn't get bite until she does her studying of the world. That's when she starts getting fucking aggressive.

Jake (B): But in the movie, there's a scene where she's escaping the police, and that's the well, they got to, like, pat things.

Chard (C): Defending it.

Sins (D): Where was the part in the movie where Corbyn uses a computer to break open event?

Jake (B): It's got Ruby rod. It's got a 3D Ruby rod.

Chard (C): I don't want to play it. If I can't be Ruby rod, I don't want to play it. He's in it, but playable, though.

GP (A): There's got to be a game shark code for that.

Wulff (E): Frames at you between levels.

Sins (D): I remember this part of the movie where Lilu is literally doing jungle gyms to get from building to building instead of diving off the building and into the cab.

Chard (C): When did she have grenades? When were grenades used?

Wulff (E): Not only does this game not seem to hold all that close to the movie, but also the developers were like, grenades. The developers were like, hey, we really enjoyed Bubsy three D and Fade to Black. Let's mash them together and it'll be a huge hit. Two of the worst PlayStation games I've ever played.

GP (A): Somebody played this and said, we got to get on it with Spiderman.

Sins (D): Why did the train stop and go backwards?

Jake (B): Yeah, do trains do that?

Chard (C): What, did she run on the train tracks?

Sins (D): She was stuck on the a wall.

GP (A): Oh, my God.

Jake (B): It's a bad game, man.

GP (A): But the question is not, is this a bad game? It is, is this game better than Terminator? Two for dos.

Sins (D): Oh, shit.

GP (A): Yeah.

Jake (B): You guys play this one.

Sins (D): Okay, as far as a movie adaptation goes, okay, there's a scene where you escape the hospital by taking out the T 1000. There's a scene where you escape as far as it goes, there is a scene where you are riding your motorcycle with John Connor on your back, trying to escape the diesel that is driven by which, by the way, in the manual, it was described as an automated lorry. I may have gotten the European manual, but there is a scene where you.

Chard (C): Are there is a scene where you.

Sins (D): Are driving away from the truck, trying to escape. There is a scene where you have to repair the Terminator's arm, which there was a scene in the movie where he repaired his own arm. Now, the one scene that I struggle with is there's a scene where you have to put the Terminator's face back.

Jake (B): Together as a slidy block puzzle.

Chard (C): It's great.

GP (A): Yeah.

Sins (D): Now, as far as gameplay goes, this game is trash. This game is trash. The controls are bad. You remember as a kid, we all got those little slidy number puzzles as like in our Christmas stocking?

Chard (C): It's like we did that on Scorn.

Sins (D): Yeah. Every child loves that game, so why not put it in here twice?

GP (A): This is LJN.

Sins (D): And Ocean.

Jake (B): LJN is on a lot of this list.

Sins (D): If you want to at least talk movie adaptation.

Chard (C): Look at this cop chilling on the fucking brick wall like he's Wilson from Home Improvement asking how things are going while he's shooting at you.

Wulff (E): Today.

Sins (D): I get that there's one scene in this video game that doesn't really align, but, like, otherwise well, too, because there's the face puzzle, but other than that, the game does actually follow the story, the plot. So as far as an adaptation goes, is it a bad game? Fuck yes. Does it follow the story? For a decent amount.

GP (A): Okay, that slide puzzle things got me.

Sins (D): There's a scene where he takes on the T 1000 in the Metal Factory. Like that actually happens.

Jake (B): That happens, yeah.

Chard (C): Each character, the sprite of the character, they both look like the dude that played Bishop in Aliens. I can't remember his real name, which upsets lance Hendrickson.

Jake (B): Lance Henderson.

Chard (C): Why do they look like Lance Hendrickson in this?

Sins (D): It's a good club.

Jake (B): However, before this episode, Sinister, you gave me some video footage to use and it was like two minutes.

GP (A): Right?

Jake (B): You could only last two minutes in this game because how trash it is.

Sins (D): It is so bad.

Jake (B): You got me the full playthrough of it on YouTube and it's eleven minutes short as game. It's like the plot of T Two condensed into eleven fucking minutes, if you can stand it that much.

Sins (D): Now, they do use a few actual like, this came on one floppy disk back in the day. So to give you an idea of how much space it had and it had FMV footage. Now, sure, they were literally 3 seconds long, but from the movie itself, actually, in the trivia, they took that specifically from the trailer because they actually didn't have the movie footage when they made this game.

GP (A): That's how you know it's going to be shit when the game comes out before the movie is insane.

Jake (B): Yeah, but they had all the major plot points in this game, though.

Sins (D): I'm going to be disappointed that this one doesn't move on as the worst, because in its comparison, it did roughly follow the movie. But don't play this game, people. Don't play this game.

GP (A): Okay, then let's get to it. Let's get to the voting on this one. Which was the worst video game adaptation of a movie? Fifth Element for the PlayStation One or Dos Terminator Two?

Chard (C): Fifth Element.

Wulff (E): Fifth Element.

Jake (B): Yeah. This is weird. When I saw T Two Citizen, when you show them T Two, I thought that for sure would be the worst.

Sins (D): If we were going on gameplay, this one would lose.

Jake (B): But you're right, in terms of movie.

Chard (C): Adaptation, we're out of our element a little bit here because we usually are complaining about gameplay or.

GP (A): Wow.

Jake (B): Yeah. When we look at in terms of terms of movie adaption, because Fifth Elvin is trash. But I'd rather play that more than T Two, like a child that walks.

Chard (C): Into the middle of a conversation.

Jake (B): All right, fifth Eleven is the worst.

Sins (D): As far as adaptation.

GP (A): So we've got one more bracket to do. Yes. And then we'll get to the finale here. Okay, Wolf, your game dirty Harry.

Wulff (E): NES, where do I begin? All right, so this is a game. It's called Dirty Harry, but it is not based on any one movie from the Dirty Harry franchise. Instead, it's supposed to be its own story within the Dirty Harry franchise. So for those who don't know, Dirty Harry is actually five movies, right? Dirty Harry was just the first of the five.

Sins (D): Right.

Jake (B): I just didn't know that.

Chard (C): Loose, no.

Jake (B): Bond type situation. There's more movies?

GP (A): Yes.

Jake (B): Okay.

Wulff (E): Around the character of Harry Callahan.

Sins (D): Live free or Dirty Harry.

GP (A): Die. Harry.

Wulff (E): Let me read you the story of this real quick. Harry Callahan is a San Francisco police detective who rarely follows police protocol. A powerful drug lord known as the Anaconda has created a burgeoning drug smuggling operation by recruiting all of San Francisco's drug gangs. Harry must crack the case and take down the kingpin himself on Alcatraz. Literally, the villain is already based himself in a prison.

Chard (C): That's hilarious.

Wulff (E): Now, I can't say with certainty that I've seen any of the Dirty Harry movies. I probably have. I don't remember them, but I feel like there's not a whole lot of lasers shooting across the floor in dirty, hairy films. Don't know how many snakes he's jumping on.

Chard (C): Listen, I don't know how many of you have been to San Francisco, but in some of these rundown buildings, there's fucking snakes out there.

GP (A): Okay?

Jake (B): Do you shoot them with a gun? Well, you know what?

GP (A): You guys are American.

Chard (C): Maybe you do jump on them to daze them.

Jake (B): Okay?

GP (A): Punch him across the screen.

Wulff (E): For whatever reason, you're like cool guy 80s movie dude instead of Clint Eastwood. Throughout this entire movie, you look like.

Jake (B): Charlie Sheen with those glasses.

Wulff (E): Yeah.

Jake (B): You don't look like Clint Eastwood at all.

Wulff (E): No. But to this game's credit, it uses two digitized lines from the Dirty Harry franchise.

Sins (D): Go ahead and make my day.

GP (A): Yeah.

Wulff (E): You turn it on and it's, Go ahead, make my day. And I think when you get a game over, you get the go ahead. Do I feel lucky.

GP (A): Okay.

Sins (D): I personally remember in the movies when he kicked open chests of drawers to find things. I remember that.

Chard (C): When did Michael Jackson show up in the film?

Jake (B): Why did Criminal change color all of a sudden?

Wulff (E): You can buy a suit from some dude just tossing a flipping a coin.

Chard (C): In all Michael Jackson.

Wulff (E): I don't know what it does in.

Chard (C): San Francisco, but you're just buying a.

Wulff (E): Suit in the back. Not even a back alley is literally like the hallway second changing clothes with him.

Chard (C): He's on his way to do the Criminal movie. Now you look like Saturday Night Fever. Now you look like John Travolta.

Wulff (E): I always thought those snakes had, like, belts.

Jake (B): They do. Yeah.

Sins (D): GP.

Chard (C): Are you okay?

GP (A): I got to say this. I got to say this. It looks horrible, but I do kind of want to play it.

Wulff (E): I kind of want to go play it again, too.

GP (A): Honestly, I'm not pro drugs, per se, but can we appreciate the fact that somehow this one drug unified the entirety right. Of the drug cartels?

Chard (C): Maybe we're missing their act together. Maybe we're missing the point. Maybe we should be saying yes instead of no.

GP (A): But I will say no. I'm going to keep that. I'll tell you guys off air. John Mulaney did a really good bit about a Clint Eastwood movie called The Mule, and how just a lot of his movies seem to be just really fantasizing how op Clint Eastwood is so he can one man who doesn't follow police protocol, which I don't think would be a policeman for very long. That's not true. Yeah, I'm going to get myself in trouble here, but, yeah, he could take down the entirety of the drug cartel. Come on, man.

Jake (B): You're not wrong, though.

GP (A): The fact that you're already in prison or on Alcatraz is really funny. I'm glad you said that.

Wulff (E): I would believe Sylvester Stallone and his mom doing more damage than that.

GP (A): He's not reading anybody their rights. He's just opening fire.

Sins (D): Judge, jury, and executioner, man. Come on.

Jake (B): Is that a bat left? Is this Star Trek? Is that a Kligan? What's he making them with?

GP (A): When they die, though, they disappear. They fall down. They don't go flying off the screen.

Sins (D): He holds up the bat left. He's, like, running around. He's like, I will fuck you up.

Wulff (E): I think it's a trash can lid.

GP (A): Okay. The bulletproof trash can lids. I love that.

Chard (C): Yeah, of course.

Wulff (E): It makes it even funnier to think.

Chard (C): Of, like that all through the South Bay.

Sins (D): I like the realism of the drunken bum hobos in the buildings.

Chard (C): I like the realism.

GP (A): They're notoriously. Anyway, go ahead.

Jake (B): So just to clarify, this isn't actually based on a movie, though. This is just the character, right?

GP (A): Character, yes.

Sins (D): But it is named after the movie.

Wulff (E): It is named after. But I believe we're already four out of five movies deep by the time this game comes out.

GP (A): Yeah. So it's kind of like Friday the 13th in that regard. I don't see this one moving forward by virtue of who it's up against. Ladies and gentlemen, street Fighter. The movie. The video game.

Jake (B): What a game. What a game.

Chard (C): The game that became a movie. That became a game.

GP (A): Yeah.

Sins (D): All right.

GP (A): It was released on a Friday, but.

Sins (D): To me, it was a Tuesday.

GP (A): Tuesday.

Sins (D): So really, I wanted to start this discussion by saying simply one word about this video game. Why.

Chard (C): Not?

GP (A): Who was wanting this?

Sins (D): Who was saying, we have this video game that we made into a movie. Let's make that movie into a video game.

Wulff (E): Well, Capcom, of course.

Jake (B): I'll tell you what, guy.

Chard (C): Julia.

Wulff (E): This was Capcom's answer to Mortal Kombat while still keeping a street fighter. This let them venture into the digitized graphics area without abandoning the Street Fighter name. Right. And without throwing out the window for one game.

Jake (B): Well, I mean, it's not a good game. Much incentive to do more of these.

GP (A): How many platforms came packaged?

Jake (B): PlayStation, Saturn, at least. If not, and then it's, of course, arcade. I play this in the arcade, but it's at least the PS and the Saturn.

GP (A): If this game didn't come packaged with a little bit of cocaine, then I'm saying it deviated from the movie.

Sins (D): Right?

Chard (C): I want to know, just watching this.

Sins (D): When M. Bison flies through the air, does he have his cool movie shoes in Street Fighter? The movie, the video game?

GP (A): I don't know. Rest in peace, Ral. Julia. Man, we lost him too soon. This is another case of prolific actors whose final projects were kind of below their acting ability. I would also like to mention I'm going to hurt myself for this one later on, unicron played by Citizen Kane, orson Wells is his final movie role. It's Orson Wells. He absolutely should have probably done a more prolific or more important, I should say final project. But he was a big part of my childhood just for that movie alone. And again. Here Ralph. Julia. Iconic for a number of things, certainly not this, right?

Chard (C): I don't know. He still sold that whole character.

GP (A): Yeah, it was a horrible adaptation. And then they tried to explain his powers somehow. He is the part that made the movie.

Sins (D): I'm sorry. I'm going to talk about the movie for a second. If you watch the movie and you look at the movie as like, whoever wrote the script was actually doing it as a parody, it's great. It is front to back fantastic. As long as you go into that movie realizing this is a parody movie.

GP (A): That'S interesting.

Jake (B): Raul Julia is a professional actor and he gave the role his all. That's all there is he did to get to this game, though. Yes. It's a dig at MK and a chance to try to do the stop motion animation. It actually doesn't look that bad in terms of the graphics. The animations are pretty fluid for what it is. I mean, it's no Street Fighter, too, but it looks good. But I'm replying this in the arcades and the controls were janky as hell. And that's why I remember this game being so trashy. Is the controls sucked?

Chard (C): Now, as far as an adaptation jesus Christ.

Sins (D): As far as the adaptation goes, does this actually carry any of the story from the movie?

Jake (B): I don't know. Is there a story?

GP (A): Was there a story in the movie? Right?

Wulff (E): Yes.

Jake (B): You know.

Chard (C): Adaptation of the game to the movie. To the game, then the game and the movie.

GP (A): This is horrible, guys. This is the same level of cringe for me as, like, the ending videos from Twisted Metal. It's just that level of hard to watch. But that said, which is a worse adaptation, this or Dirty Harry for the NES?

Jake (B): So I'm just looking at the story stuff from a match. And there's an ending screen for Ken has nothing to do with the movie. And there's no intro, so there's no story mode in this. It is a fighting game, though.

Chard (C): Characters.

Sins (D): Why is Cammy in the background and James doing her go go dance? When did we go to a club?

GP (A): I was a fight club.

Wulff (E): Can I mention Tom did not have any faith in this game in North America? The home concept version in North America was released was published by acclaim North America and Europe. Acclaim published it.

Chard (C): At least they got Vegas chest rightfully oiled for the stop motion.

Sins (D): Well, and I don't remember I don't remember Kylie Minogue. I thought she actually wore more in the movie than it's like because this is Cammy, the video game cammy. I thought she wore more clothes in the movie. I thought Kylie Minogue wore clothes.

Jake (B): I thought at the end of the movie they all kind of wore their video game inspired outfits and that's what they're pulling from, I think.

Sins (D): Okay.

Jake (B): I think that's what it was.

Wulff (E): Ralph Julia was not actually in the game, by the way. He was supposed to be. He met the staff who were working on the game and was going to be in it, but he was already sick, so he could not participate. So they got his stunt double.

GP (A): Okay.

Wulff (E): But he had intended to partake.

Jake (B): I want to say that in terms of, like, the story adaption this versus Dirty Harry. Dirty Harry is not really based on a specific movie. This is movie characters, but not really based on the movie either. Was it cool in that regard? No, he's not either.

GP (A): Can both games go away? Is it really important that either of these move forward?

Sins (D): Yes, it is.

Jake (B): We have to be one is worse than the other.

Chard (C): I'm picking Street Fighter because there's characters in this movie, in this game that were not in the movie, but were there snakes in Dirty Harry movie?

Wulff (E): But Dirty Harry is implying it actually has a subtitle, I guess, in some parts of the world. So it was treated as its own story. But okay.

Chard (C): Dirty Harry.

Wulff (E): Does this game have a story mode? Does it have where you go through and there's cutscenes? Because a lot of Street Fighter games actually do give you story and an ending. Does this give you anything from the movie in that regard?

Jake (B): I fast forward to the ending of this play through and there's a short static screen about Ken living the good life after the matches, but nothing to do with the movie at all.

Wulff (E): Wow.

GP (A): I don't know. But it does have Ming NA win.

Jake (B): She's great. I do like her.

Sins (D): And Kylie Minogue. I mean, come on.

Jake (B): Yeah, I don't know much about Kylie.

GP (A): Minogue, but Ming Naw.

Chard (C): Can'T get you out of my head. Kylie Minogue.

GP (A): Okay, cool.

Jake (B): I think Dirty Harry is worse than this. I never thought I'd say that, but I think it's worse.

Sins (D): Okay, well, I'm going to vote for Street Fighter the game. The movie. The game.

Chard (C): I'm on the street fighter train too.

GP (A): Yeah. That's where I'm going down mostly because I want to see how this one's going to fare against some of these other ones.

Wulff (E): I got to go Street Fighter with you guys because it's just okay. It's not.

Chard (C): Dirty Harry not a movie stop anything.

Sins (D): This is literally called Street Fighter the movie. The game.

GP (A): Yeah.

Wulff (E): Street Fighter. The movie. The game should have had plot points and cutscenes from the movie. Dirty Harry was like, let's insert this as an additional entry into the franchise. And I mean, at least it's true to Clint Eastwood running around as a dirty cop killing a bunch of people, right?

Sins (D): Yeah, that's true.

Jake (B): If he was looked dressed like Charlie.

Sins (D): Sheen with sunglasses and occasionally Michael Jackson.

Chard (C): There was more cocaine in the last game than Dirty Harry game. And they were trying to form a drug. They were getting together as a drug cartel.

Sins (D): Yeah. The Dirty Harry game was about drugs.

GP (A): Okay.

Chard (C): Drugs and bonding.

GP (A): Round two. Now that we've discussed these games, I think we can all this is lightning Race. Okay. Round two. Star wars or Superstar Wars for the Super Nintendo versus Fight Club for the PS Two?

Jake (B): Fight Club. Come on.

GP (A): Fight Club.

Jake (B): Fight Club is so stupid.

Wulff (E): Fight Club.

Jake (B): It flies in the face of what that whole property is about.

Wulff (E): The existence of the game already does an injustice to the movie.

GP (A): This one, I know which one I want to and I know what I'm going to vote for, which, by the way, I think we all agree, right? Fight club moved on.

Sins (D): Yeah.

Chard (C): Yes.

GP (A): Okay.

Sins (D): As the worst.

GP (A): Okay. Very good. Yes. As the worst. Et. Versus Jurassic Park.

Wulff (E): I mean et. Does photo Jurassic Park?

GP (A): Yeah.

Chard (C): Jurassic park.

GP (A): Et.

Sins (D): Has a bit of the movie in it.

GP (A): Jurassic park just makes no sense.

Wulff (E): Just at a park full of dinosaurs with bazooka.

Jake (B): At least the plot in Jurassic Park on the NES is you're just finding these eggs and you got a bazooka, which has nothing to do with the movie at all. God, that's trash also.

GP (A): Yeah.

Wulff (E): Why is he running around collecting dinosaur eggs while murdering dinosaurs? What's the name?

Sins (D): They're easier to carry.

Chard (C): They're easier to carry dinosaurs in that game that weren't in the movie.

Sins (D): Have you tried to carry a live animal versus a tag?

Jake (B): You have several packs. Yeah. You guys are right. Jurassic park is worse in that regard only. It's just can we get a clip.

Chard (C): Of Jake saying, you guys are right, please, so I can put that on my strength?

Jake (B): Yeah, I'm going to scrub that from the episode. We'll edit that out. Don't worry. Okay.

GP (A): Jake, when editing this is about as honest as when he randomizes the how.

Jake (B): Wild, though, is Et. Fuck you.

GP (A): This was randomized.

Jake (B): But how wild is it that Et is not in our top three of worst movie movie?

Chard (C): Because we're talking about adaptations, we're not talking about gameplay.

Wulff (E): You know what that'll be next year's March Radness, we'll do this exact same set of games just as the worst. I don't want you to get a worst movie adaptation. How's that?

GP (A): No, let's do it during the year next March Radness. There's so many shitty, horrible games. I don't want to just keep doing the same twelve. We got to do a whole other set of shitty ass games.

Jake (B): There's so many bad games out there.

GP (A): But we can do the same.

Sins (D): One and two need to move on to the next list, right? We need to go yeah.

GP (A): Yes, I like that a lot. Okay. Dumping element or street fighter? Movies, video games.

Sins (D): Oh, dear God.

GP (A): Which one was a worse movie adaptation?

Chard (C): Fifth Element.

GP (A): Okay. Street Fighter at least has movie characters.

Sins (D): But there are cutscenes. There are cutscenes for Fifth Element in the game.

Jake (B): Yeah. So Fifth Element is closer to the movie than Street Fighter, the movie. The game is to the movie.

Chard (C): No, because Street Fighter the movie. The game actually has the actors superimposed.

Sins (D): Into the game, fighting and fighting.

GP (A): With the special moves.

Sins (D): I'm with you. Okay. Fifth Element is my vote.

Jake (B): No. Because Fifth Element actually has the plot cutscenes.

Wulff (E): Does it? I have no idea what's happening in that game at the first level, but they're still there.

Chard (C): No grenades. Fucking grenades. Where does she get grenades from? She does one or two.

Sins (D): Look, you don't scale where she puts her grenades. You don't.

GP (A): Carry on.

Jake (B): But she has a grenade in the movie. That one scene, and they just ran with it for the game. I think Street Fighter is the worst movie adaption. Doesn't have any plot points for the movie at all.

GP (A): Yeah. Okay, so I think we've got two so far for Fifth Element because that's mine. Two for Street Fighter. Wolf, you're the deciding factor.

Wulff (E): I'm the tiebreaker here.

Jake (B): Wait, what is the worst game?

Chard (C): Wait, GP. You want Street Fighter or you want.

GP (A): Fifth Element to move on?

Sins (D): No. Yeah. Which one do you vote for?

GP (A): Because I've Fifth Element.

Sins (D): I voted for Fifth Element. That's three.

Chard (C): That's three for fifth.

GP (A): That's three. Okay. I'm sorry.

Wulff (E): Okay, then it doesn't matter.

GP (A): But what were you going to say? What you like?

Wulff (E): I don't know. I have no idea what's happening in the Fifth Element. If I just play the video game honestly and at least Street Fighter, you know what's happening. You're fighting.

GP (A): Yeah.

Chard (C): You're fighting in the street.

GP (A): Yeah.

Chard (C): Fucking ass.

Sins (D): By the way, how beautiful was Blanc's character in the movie?

Jake (B): Chef's just so awful. The fur and he was too skinny. Yeah.

Sins (D): Just watch it thinking it's a birdie, and it's great.

GP (A): He's wiring.

Chard (C): It's not ripped. He's wiry.

Jake (B): Okay, so we got our three GP.

GP (A): We'Ve got our top three. We can slow down a little bit if we want to, but for anybody who is not following along very closely, that's me. The top three. Fight Club for the PlayStation Two, Fifth Element for the PlayStation One and Jurassic Park for the NES.

Chard (C): My order which one of these was my order? And I feel like people will agree with me on this. My order will be number one, fight Club.

GP (A): Preach.

Chard (C): Number two. Street Fighter. The movie, the game that didn't even advance. Sorry. Fifth Element. And then Jurassic Park.

Jake (B): No.

GP (A): Exact opposite Jurassic Park. No. Fight Club. You're right. Fight Club.

Chard (C): Fight Club's number one.

Jake (B): Fight Club is number one. Yes.

Sins (D): Anybody?

GP (A): Jurassic park was a worse movie adaptation than was Fifth Element.

Chard (C): I could see that. All right. Fight Club.

Jake (B): Fifth Element.

Chard (C): Jurassic park.

Jake (B): Yeah.

GP (A): Those are the three, but that's not the order.

Sins (D): No, it's Jurassic Park. Fifth Element. Jurassic. Jurassic park is a worse adaptation than Fifth Element.

Jake (B): You're right.

Chard (C): Fifth Element is three. I agree with that.

Sins (D): Yes. Anybody disagree?

Wulff (E): No. I think I'm on board with that. Right.

GP (A): It's just that bad. I mean, Fight Clubs and getting the board apart.

Chard (C): We're literally picking games that we all hate and we're all agreeing.

GP (A): And I love how easy it is.

Jake (B): I love how smooth we go together in harmony. Yeah.

Chard (C): A lot better when we're all on the same page than it is. Circus Charlie is a great game, and everybody says it's the dumb fucking is.

Jake (B): And you wish it was a movie adaption, but it's not.

Sins (D): What are you saying?

Wulff (E): Can I just say that I do not regret spending $4 on Fight Club, the game oh, no.

Sins (D): Watching you play it today I would have paid $4 to watch you play it today.

Wulff (E): It was a fringe fest. That's what it is. It does not hold true to the game at all. And it tries to parade as though it's holding true to the game. Right. Opening cutscene is like, hey, look, Project Mayhem. Or yeah, holding true to the movie opening cutscene is like, hey, look, Project Mayhem. They blow up a building, you see glass fly out of it, and then it zooms out and shows the building. And the explosion is the fiery eyes with the green face spray painted on the side of the building. Okay, Project Mayhem. Already they're letting you down. Like, this is what the game is. Not right now.

Jake (B): That is your reward.

Sins (D): And then at some point, you feel like you feel good because you have unlocked Fred Durst.

Chard (C): I feel so bad for.

Wulff (E): I also want to mention you can unlock Abraham Lincoln. Because they talked about they wanted to fight. If they could fight anybody, it would be Abraham Lincoln.

Jake (B): This game shouldn't exist.

Chard (C): This is a game that shouldn't exist.

Sins (D): You know what?

Jake (B): It flies in the face of the source material in the worst way this.

Chard (C): Game is, and that's why it's number one.

GP (A): But it's so well stated. And the point to the movie is so articulately provided and fed to the consumer that for the game to dumb that down and take you in the opposite direction really is a punch in the dick. And I'm glad this is the worst game. I'm glad we could all agree without much debate because I do feel strongly about that one.

Wulff (E): That was like and of course, I guess this and that's why.

GP (A): Next time we do this, fight club advancing to the next fight club at Jurassic Park.

Sins (D): Have to jurassic park.

GP (A): Well, no, don't do that because we already know Jurassic Park is going to lose, right?

Sins (D): I guess that's true.

GP (A): Unless the brackets end up because, I mean, somehow PlayStation Five controller was one.

Wulff (E): Of the best, if we ever do.

Jake (B): And that's just how it lies. And I don't want to hear any slander about my method for randomizing these things. It was perfect.

GP (A): Yeah.

Wulff (E): If we ever do this, it only.

Chard (C): Works everything on it.

Sins (D): Yeah. I hear you, Wolf. I hear you.

GP (A): God, I needed this, fellows. I needed something where I could just be negative for a minute and unload some negativity.

Sins (D): And we can all agree in our negativity.

GP (A): Yes. We all had each other's back. It wasn't like, guys, I'm going to present this controversial topic. This game is a great game. And everybody's like, no, it sucks. We all know how bad each one of these sucks. There is not a redeeming thing, really, in any of them. That's not true.

Sins (D): Where we were, like clamoring over each other to worse the other person's worst. We were trying to yuck other people's. Yuck.

GP (A): It was the player haters ball. And I loved it. Loved every minute of it.

Sins (D): And Fred Durst won.

GP (A): Congratulations.

Chard (C): You are the worst. Congratulations, Fred Durst.

Wulff (E): It's just one of those days where you don't want to wake up.

GP (A): Everything sucked.

Sins (D): Don't add us, Fred.

Chard (C): Everybody sucks.

Sins (D): Sometimes. You want to justify absolute BOP, trashing a video game and an artist that did a song in it.

GP (A): Yeah. My wife and I, we were in the car the other day and we listened to there's a dis track between Corn and limp biscuit. Oh, yeah. Say what you want about Fred Durst, his guitarist.

Chard (C): Westmoreland incredible.

Jake (B): West great.

GP (A): Brilliant. There was some good stuff to Lent biscuit. Unfortunately, it wasn't biscuit. Yeah. Okay, guys, let's wrap this up. I know we went a bit long. Thank you for joining me. This one, I love the march radness. And if we want to do this again, like in November, that would be fine with me as well. All right, we'll just on my screen. Go left to right. Sick jake, tell everybody where they can find you, please.

Jake (B): You can find me a Sick?

GP (A): Jake? No.

Jake (B): K and sick over on YouTube and on Twitter. Check me out there. I got a couple of videos going up. Mostly me playing bell toads. And failing miserably. It's a good time.

GP (A): You said there's no K and sick. Okay, what about a d? Is there any d? Is there a D?

Jake (B): No, it's not Daddy Jake. It's sick. Jake. Thank you.

GP (A): I had heard there's a lot of duty. There you go. Why don't you tell everybody where they can find you? Sir.

Sins (D): I'm over at Twitch Cinemasar 77 playing chrono Trigger. Come watch.

GP (A): Yeah, it's top tier entertainment.

Sins (D): Mondays, Monday evenings, mountain time. Monday evenings.

GP (A): Yeah. If you need a reason to enjoy Monday, find him, send us somewhere else.

Sins (D): But if you want to watch me, come over to my channel.

GP (A): Yeah.

Jake (B): Fuck you.

GP (A): And then werewolf. What are you doing? What's up? Where can people find you?

Wulff (E): I have actually recorded a few videos. Now I just actually need to edit them and upload them. Search me on you can find [email protected] at werewolf. W-A-R-E-W-L-F-F search google tell it in a minute. You'll find me.

GP (A): Wow.

Wulff (E): It's been a long time since I've done this. Feel I forgot it. I was disappointed in myself.

GP (A): I could regurgitate it for you, man. I love that. Also. I love your thank you.

Chard (C): I got to say, it's nice to have everybody having a project that they're working on at the end of these episodes. Now that's true.

GP (A): Well, to that point, chard mug. And then there's one last thing we have to get out before we move on. Chard, where can people find you? What are you up to?

Chard (C): Twitch YouTube going through the 303 achievements on Final Fantasy Four. PSP, complete edition that includes the original Final Fantasy Four, the interlude and the after years, as well as all the trials.

GP (A): Fucking champion. Now, if you guys want, we can take a minute and try to add to our list of 100 or what I think might be a little bit more fun given this one. Not that I don't love doing our top 100 games you Must Play Before I Die, but maybe we should all mention an honorable mention. That wasn't on today's list, but it could have been.

Jake (B): I'll start off for worst movie adaption. Okay.

GP (A): For worst movie. Okay. There's a long discussion about whether or not Ghostbusters should be on there. It didn't make it because there is some redemption to it. The soundtrack not being one of them. But for anybody who's been screaming at us the whole time we talked about it and these were worse than Ghostbusters. Anybody else got one they want to throw on?

Chard (C): Yeah, I do. Batman for the NES. Batman for the NES.

GP (A): I'm not going to call on you anymore if you're going to say stupid stuff.

Chard (C): How is the Batman for the NES? A good adaptation of the fucking movie?

Jake (B): Yeah, gameplay is great, but movie adaptation is trash.

GP (A): Soundtrack great. Where I'm at, James Nicholson is the joker.

Wulff (E): Yeah?

GP (A): Yes. They took liberties.

Chard (C): A lot of liberties. I don't know why in the movie? Explain that to me.

GP (A): He shows up 30 years later in the Back Girl movie that just got canceled, played by Brendan Fraser.

Jake (B): That's true.

GP (A): Which one did you have?

Wulff (E): Oh, I don't remember. Now, if I had another one.

GP (A): Right on. That's all good.

Sins (D): Sinister, not a bad adaptation, but a game that I think everybody should play. That's a movie adaptation. But Alien on the apple, too.

GP (A): Right on. Okay. And then Jake, did you have any others?

Jake (B): One that I almost wanted to put on the list, but we ran out of space, was Dark Man on the NES? I'd like movie dark man with Liam Neeson. I love fucking Liam Neeson. And the movie is good. It's cheesy, but it's a good movie. The game, though, is so terrible. It looks gross. It just controls terribly. It makes no sense. It's such a terrible game.

GP (A): Was there a Super Mario Bros. The movie? The video game?

Wulff (E): No.

GP (A): That'S probably for the best.

Wulff (E): For the NES. It was a bad game.

Jake (B): Bad.

Wulff (E): It was okay. I just remembered it.

GP (A): So, yeah, like I said, there's no shortage of shitty movie adaptation video games. We'll be doing things like this again whether or not it's next March or later on, but cannot believe I forgot.

Chard (C): To bring up Batman. I'm sure this as soon as we fired this thing off, I was like, Fuck Power Rangers.

GP (A): The movie. The video game. Okay. Anyway, guys, gals, everybody out there, thank you very much for tuning in. If you're not following, go ahead and hit that subscribe button. If you're listening in, thank you, but check us out on YouTube or check out our discord, which I'm sure we can put down in the descriptions or something like that. So until next time, everybody, or go to press.

Sins (D): Speedycancel.com.

GP (A): Everybody, be well. Take care of each other. Take care of yourselves. Enjoy the rest of march. Radness next week. We'll see you then.